dating – Lerato Nondeyi

Hear me out.

I am not the one to fall in love with if you don’t want me calling you just because. I want to hear your voice during the day—on your good days or your bad days. I want to hear about it all. I want to know that you’re okay, and when you’re not okay, I want you to be able to talk to me. Pride doesn’t win here; over here, we apologize when we are wrong. Over here, we listen to understand, not just to reply. We communicate like grown adults should.

I am not the one to fall in love with if you’re still holding on to the past. Holding on to what was, just to ruin what we are trying to build? It’s either you are here fully and ready to commit, or you leave me alone. I am not your half-time or part-time. You are not going to love me while loving another, because that’s something I will never do. I am not a coward nor unfaithful. If I have decided on you, then you are my focal point.

When I am in love and I have decided on you, I want to know that you’re safe when you have somewhere to be. So call me when you get home so I may rest my mind. When I love you, I want to know what matters to you. I want to know how you want to be loved so I may love you right. I want to know what hurts you so that I don’t contribute to your misery. I want to know the things that run in your head. Where do you go when you fade away? What makes you angry? What gives you comfort? And if you don’t want a woman to explore you this way, then stay away from me. If you don’t want to be vulnerable, over here we break those walls that we have built to keep the hurt away, because they are also keeping away the joy.

Please do not even look my way if you don’t want a clingy woman. I want to live under my man’s skin. I want to squeeze myself into his DNA. I want to invade his space. I want to breathe his air. If this is a bit too much for you, then make way for someone who will. Do not suffocate me with that nonchalant business. If you don’t want a woman who shows up, who hugs you from behind, who wants to look into your eyes, who wants to be surrounded by your scent, then I am not yours.

I am honestly a bad girlfriend. I want to do things that this generation finds awkward. I want to send my partner my favorite songs. I want to write him poems. I want to buy him something just because he mentioned that he likes it. I want to give my time and energy and love him without fear and hesitation. I want him to be himself. But it seems everyone wants painful love—the kind that claims to love you and three others, the one that doesn’t express yearning. I want my partner to know that I yearn for him.

Now, it takes me a while before I decide to be with someone. I peel off really slowly. I am an overthinker; therefore, I think of multiple scenarios before I decide on anyone. So if I choose you, then know that I looked at every reason not to be with you and still I overcame the fear. Instead of choosing you with my mind, I chose you with my soul. I don’t want to break my soul, so don’t bother me if love is a game to you. I don’t play with people’s hearts and their time. Yes, I am difficult to impress. I am not easily won over. I am not the kind who falls over every small gesture. I might require you to change your approach. I might require patience. I might not be able to tell you right away how I feel, but once I finally say it out loud, then you are mine. Now everything that concerns you, concerns me. What hurts you, hurts me.

Most importantly, if you don’t believe that Jesus is Lord, if you don’t want a relationship with God, if you don’t pray, if you don’t love your Redeemer and seek Him in everything, then leave me alone. Because here we pray and fast, here we break and loose, demons are cast out, and evil is destroyed. Don’t desire me if you don’t desire God. You are going to hurt me, and I don’t want to be hurt.

So please, don’t fall in love with me.

And they are consistent

Everyone has had someone monitoring them, you have had private calls invading your space, you have had strange texts and you have had people telling you that they saw you somewhere doing something.

Mine is different, I Have a stalker that calls me for hours without pause, it goes for 2 hours sometimes more and they always call after 00:00 am. I can not block these private calls because of the nature of my job so I ignore them but when I do answer the person, whoever they are keeps quiet, one time I answered and put my phone away to watch a movie, I fell asleep and realised in the morning that this person was on the phone while I was asleep. They have been calling me since 2022 and they have been consistent till date.

On the 24^th of January, someone texted me about having my nudes, now if you know me, you know that I don’t play that game, immediately when I received that whatsapp text I knew this was a stupid game, I replied that if they have my nudes they should upload them everywhere, on every social media platform that’s how sure I was about myself but when they noticed that I am unmoved they then sent me screenshots of a conversation happening on Twitter. According to the screenshot this person was bought to upload my nudes by a man who hates me, apparently I was supposed to meet with him and I cancelled yet I took his money and he got mad, apparently my man was in town and I got cold feet and he got big mad and found someone to expose me. I ignored those screenshot because obviously this is crazy and I have real issues in my life to tackle. This person then came back later with more screenshot but before he sent them to me he asked “Did you block me yet, I have something for you?” it almost sounded like he wants to continue trying to make me see that he really has my nudes, me? if he said he had pictures of me in a bikini at Mauritius then I would have thought he has something because I posted those on my Instagram, but Nudes? I chuckled, that was hilarious. This time around he sends me screenshots where he is having argument with this anonymous guy on twitter that he wont post my nudes because I look innocent, he then continues to warn me against having relationships with mentally unstable men because now he had to defend me against a man who even wants to kill me, he made it look like the guy who offered him money on twitter is some psycho who want to destroy me and because he is defending me, he now has a problem with that guy and they are going back and forth because payments were made and he didnnt keep his promise. He then sends me the conversation as it unfold where they are fighting each other because he is protecting my honor 🤣🤣🤣, as if that’s not bad enough, he deletes everything he sent me after, how do you defend me and then delete your good work?

I wanted to post these so that people know what I deal with, I am not sure if it’s the same person or multiple people but I do know that I am the one who has to deal with these people and they are sick. I am not shaken but I worry about myself, I have questions at times, who is this person? Why are they calling me? do they know me? Do they set an alarm? Are they trying to figure out something?

If maybe you are reading this and may have an idea on what to do to specifically on the private number to get information, please help me, I want to know their identity, I want to ask them exactly what are they hoping to achieve? Don’t they have a girlfriend or wife to focus on?

Its not safe for a woman out here and its scary, and if that person somehow read my blog, I hope they read this and know that with every molecule in my body I hope they slip up one day, on God I hope they cough or someone calls their name while they are silent on the phone, I pray God exposes you man, I don’t know what I will do after that, I really have no idea how I would handle that because I asked that person to talk to me, if they know me then they know how I am, all they have to do is talk and they didn’t but continued abusing me, THIS IS ABUSE.

(I have posted all these conversations here for proof)

I can not change my numbers, as I stated above, the nature of my job doesn’t allow me to and I have been using the same numbers since 2009, changing wont be so easy for me, as everything I do centers around those numbers but I will find out who this person is and may God really help me be a good person to them after that