Hear me out.

I am not the one to fall in love with if you don’t want me calling you just because. I want to hear your voice during the day—on your good days or your bad days. I want to hear about it all. I want to know that you’re okay, and when you’re not okay, I want you to be able to talk to me. Pride doesn’t win here; over here, we apologize when we are wrong. Over here, we listen to understand, not just to reply. We communicate like grown adults should.

I am not the one to fall in love with if you’re still holding on to the past. Holding on to what was, just to ruin what we are trying to build? It’s either you are here fully and ready to commit, or you leave me alone. I am not your half-time or part-time. You are not going to love me while loving another, because that’s something I will never do. I am not a coward nor unfaithful. If I have decided on you, then you are my focal point.

When I am in love and I have decided on you, I want to know that you’re safe when you have somewhere to be. So call me when you get home so I may rest my mind. When I love you, I want to know what matters to you. I want to know how you want to be loved so I may love you right. I want to know what hurts you so that I don’t contribute to your misery. I want to know the things that run in your head. Where do you go when you fade away? What makes you angry? What gives you comfort? And if you don’t want a woman to explore you this way, then stay away from me. If you don’t want to be vulnerable, over here we break those walls that we have built to keep the hurt away, because they are also keeping away the joy.

Please do not even look my way if you don’t want a clingy woman. I want to live under my man’s skin. I want to squeeze myself into his DNA. I want to invade his space. I want to breathe his air. If this is a bit too much for you, then make way for someone who will. Do not suffocate me with that nonchalant business. If you don’t want a woman who shows up, who hugs you from behind, who wants to look into your eyes, who wants to be surrounded by your scent, then I am not yours.

I am honestly a bad girlfriend. I want to do things that this generation finds awkward. I want to send my partner my favorite songs. I want to write him poems. I want to buy him something just because he mentioned that he likes it. I want to give my time and energy and love him without fear and hesitation. I want him to be himself. But it seems everyone wants painful love—the kind that claims to love you and three others, the one that doesn’t express yearning. I want my partner to know that I yearn for him.

Now, it takes me a while before I decide to be with someone. I peel off really slowly. I am an overthinker; therefore, I think of multiple scenarios before I decide on anyone. So if I choose you, then know that I looked at every reason not to be with you and still I overcame the fear. Instead of choosing you with my mind, I chose you with my soul. I don’t want to break my soul, so don’t bother me if love is a game to you. I don’t play with people’s hearts and their time. Yes, I am difficult to impress. I am not easily won over. I am not the kind who falls over every small gesture. I might require you to change your approach. I might require patience. I might not be able to tell you right away how I feel, but once I finally say it out loud, then you are mine. Now everything that concerns you, concerns me. What hurts you, hurts me.

Most importantly, if you don’t believe that Jesus is Lord, if you don’t want a relationship with God, if you don’t pray, if you don’t love your Redeemer and seek Him in everything, then leave me alone. Because here we pray and fast, here we break and loose, demons are cast out, and evil is destroyed. Don’t desire me if you don’t desire God. You are going to hurt me, and I don’t want to be hurt.

So please, don’t fall in love with me.