Tonight, my heart’s racing as I sit in my new home. my first night here, and it’s a lot to take in. This isn’t an apartment with tenants nearby; it’s just me. I’m a little scared, to be honest. I know God’s got me, and His angels are watching over me, but sometimes I feel like people forget I’m just a girl navigating all this So, please keep me in your prayers.

I’m grateful my car is safe, but I’m a bit worried about the company car I’m responsible for. Living on one of the busiest streets as a woman managing two vehicles feels overwhelming. If you could send some prayers my way for peace and protection, I’d appreciate it.

This house has stunning, tall walls with high ceilings that I absolutely adore. In my old place, I’d poke holes in the walls without a second thought, leaving chaos behind. But here, I want to keep these walls pristine. I have a ton of art I’m dying to display, though! Any suggestions for mounting art without damaging or dirtying the walls? I’d love to hear your ideas.

Then there’s my glass front door it’s gorgeous but makes me feel exposed, especially at night when the lights are on. I’m unpacking, exhausted, and barely able to think straight. What can I put on the glass door to make it more private and secure without losing its charm? I’d welcome any tips.

My lounge could use some new couches to really bring it to life, but honestly, I’m just thankful for what I have. God is good, and I trust He’ll provide as I settle in. Speaking of settling in, this house is freezing! I meant to fix my heaters before moving, but the stress of it all got in the way, and now I’m here with no heat. Lesson learned: plan better next time.

I’m nervous tonight, maybe even a little scared, but I know that all of heaven surrounds me, so I rest in that. I declare that I am safe, and I’m grateful. Here’s to new beginnings in this beautiful space.

I’ve seen the footprints of where you’ve been. Dusty trails of pain covered in the perfume you wore just to mask the smell of betrayal. I’ve listened to the same story on repeat, not because you forgot, but because it still hurts, and no one ever held space long enough for you to let the pain finish its sentence.

I hear the break in your voice when you speak like you don’t want anyone to notice. But I notice. I always notice.

The world hasn’t been gentle to you. I see it in the way your shoulders never really rest, like they’re waiting for the next blow. But even with all that weight, you still carry grace like a crown you made yourself.

And I don’t understand how you’re still kind after people called you every name except child of God. I don’t understand how you still smile with teeth that have bitten back more tears than most could handle. But I do know this. You are holy. You are still here. And you still shine.

So let me be clear. I don’t say things just to make the silence sound pretty. I don’t drop lines to get your attention. I speak promises with God as my witness, and I vow I will not hurt you.

I understand now why you keep your heart behind walls thick as prayer. I understand why you walk like a storm and rest like a secret. Thank you for still letting me see you. Thank you for showing up with your wounds open and calling it courage.

You wear forgiveness like a robe and grace like it’s sewn into your skin. You smile at people who threw dirt on your name like it didn’t bury you once. That right there. That’s royalty. That’s why I love you. That’s why this love will never be selfish.

See, this is not about just making you feel good. This is about making you feel seen. You will never have to shrink to fit inside this love. You will never have to yell just to be heard. I see you. All of you. Even the parts you don’t post about.

You will never question if I honor your presence. I will bow. Yes, bow at the sight of you because you are a temple. Even when you’re tired. Even when you’re cracked wide open. Even when you’ve lost everything except your breath.

And when you rise, when the world finally sees the king I already see, I will be there clapping the loudest. Not because I need your shine, but because I helped you remember you were the light all along.

And let’s not pretend. I know your heart doesn’t trust easily. You’ve been handed poems before that turned into chains. I know you’ve had your fill of empty words and lips that loved convenience, not commitment.

So maybe you don’t believe in assurance anymore. Maybe you think it’s childish, a fantasy cooked up by people who’ve never been lied to.

But I see you

You’ve been clocking in with the weight of the world on your back.

Still moving like a king who never learned how to fall.

Some fold under fire but you? You wear the war like it’s tailored.

Grace in your grip. Power in your calm.

There are many good men but you quiet the room without saying a word.

I don’t need medals to know what strength looks like.

Some men speak loud, but you?

You echo long after you’ve left the room.

In respect to the king you are, I cater a meal.

I prepare the evening like a prayer, I wait for you skin glowing, coated in honey

I set the night with intention.

Low light. Open door.

A slow burn humming through every room.

I know you love your meals rich  layered, wet with intention, served hot and unbothered

So I plate it just right, 

centered, presented like art,

This is ceremony. A feast, You don’t need to ask if it’s ready, you know it always is. 

Eat up, give me a chefs kiss because I’ve outdone myself, Nothing about me is fragile 

This isn’t just dinner, it’s satisfying your hunger, with a side of mischief,

and dessert served under low light

and no fabric.

And when you reach your edge

I go with you , every time.

your head tips back when the tension breaks, the way you call my name like it belongs in church

The way your breath stumbles when it’s too good to hold back 

That’s the part I crave.

That’s what you get for making a house a home, that’s what you get for being you.

😜 lol, yep, I wrote this at 05:13 am, I omitted a lot to maintain the respect! One day the original, long version will surface, for now let’s keep it here!!!!

I don’t usually do this, Honestly, I prefer peace

But I’d be doing womanhood a disservice if I didn’t say something

Please, don’t take this the wrong way

This isn’t shade

It’s… appreciation in its most poetic form

Because I get it now

You were the one who led him to me

That hot summer day when the stars clearly had better plans for him

You, who called him weak…

Sis, I don’t know which man you were looking at

But you must’ve had your eyes closed

Thank you!!!! ☺️

No, really, thank you for hurting him

Thank you for making him question his worth

It sounds dark, twisted… a little cruel of me maybe

But stay with me….

If you hadn’t exposed your true self he would’ve stayed

Because he’s the kind of man who stays

If you hadn’t pushed him so far

He wouldn’t have let go

Because he doesn’t give up easily

And that’s one of the many reasons I love him

Woman to woman

He came to me carrying ghosts you gave him

Insecurities you nurtured

Trust issues watered by your betrayal

He walked small

Heart wide open

Broken

Well, it’s mine now

And I don’t mind the rebuilding

Because in his brokenness, I found beauty

Through your chaos, he found clarity

You showed him what love isn’t

So when he met me, he recognised what love is

The man you belittled

He holds me like I’m the most delicate thing in the world

The one you doubted

He’s my biggest cheerleader

He’s thriving, Sis, thriving I said, the man is happy!!!

You gave him hell

Now he knows heaven

And guess what

He calls me his angel… heaven sent! That’s me!

So really, you were necessary to our story

Thank you for sending him back to God

Because that’s where he found me

Now I don’t want to gloat

Okay, maybe just a little

But he’s safe now

Fed

Loved

Whole

You’ve probably noticed how he moves these days

That glow, that’s love

Real love

Not the performative kind

The kind he never had until now

I wasn’t even looking for love

I wasn’t even chasing

But he found me and stayed

So truly, thank you

Because a grateful heart attracts blessings

And I got mine

He loves harder now

He shows up without being asked

And just in case you were wondering

He’s safe with me

This piece was inspired by Sam Smith’s song “Make It to Me,” specifically a TikTok cover where a woman changed the lyrics to say “I wanted you to know he is safe with me.” That simple line stuck with me.

We often hear about women being saved by love, as if love exists only to rescue us. But a man being safe in love is just as important. A man being loved right matters too. So I wanted to flip the usual narrative. This time, it is the man who gets to be saved. The one who finds healing, softness, and security in love.

Lately, I have really been enjoying writing about love, especially from this perspective.

I prayed on it. 

I sent my sorrow up to the heavens,

Not in elegance, but in desperation.

I had danced with wrong love too many times. 

Men who could not see me, Men who wanted my silence more than my soul.

I softened my voice, crossed my legs.

Painted my toes white, and tucked my words behind a fragile smile

“Don’t talk back” they said “men don’t like women who talk back” in my silence, still there was a struggle. 

So I looked to the heavens again 

“Is there something in me that repels devotion?”

“Is my soul too wild for someone?”

And the stars were silent.

“Fix me Jesus! fix me” I cried 

In that stillness a voice not of this world said…

“Do not pray for a man.

Pray for the return of yourself.”

So I stopped chasing shadows and let myself be emptied.

I wept like the prophets,

Folded my faith in prayer and placed it at God’s feet.

Became one with the angels, seeking not for a face but for a presence.

Not for a name but for discernment.

I prayed and prayed

Even when the sky returned nothing but the echo of my own longing, I prayed. 

And then below….You.

You did not arrive to fix me, you arrived to see me.

To sit beside the woman who had forgotten the sound of her own laughter. 

You love! 

And you love me with reverence, with patience and devotion that made my past

seem like a bad translation of love.

I prayed for loyalty you came with truth.

I prayed for protection you arrived with peace.

you came slowly like breath, like water, like something God sends when He is sure that you have finally come home to yourself.

So this is what prayer does? 

For now stands a man who does not interrupt the healing but influence it.

who does not flinch at the weight of emotion but stays steady in its storm.

And I realise miracles do happen and this one is mine, I’ve won.

He…. 

loves me out loud in front of eyes that once watched me break.

sits at tables and saves me a chair, he makes room for me and really considered what I have to say.

He keeps his word like a man who walks with God.

And if you ask me what love is now, I have the answers 

I will tell you… love is  not only the arrival of peace but also a return to oneself.

It’s a home that has always being built with  every no, every goodbye, it’s the end of trauma and the beginning of peace.

It’s  not perfection but the acceptance of flaws.

It’s not grand gestures but a daily choosing.

I bless the breaking that brought me to my knees.

I bless the waiting, I bless the God who heard me when I thought He’d gone quiet.

And I bless the day He said yes.

And named you my saving grace.

He called my name and said  “beloved. You’ve waited long enough.”

I was listening to India Arie’s “He Heals Me” recently. The last time I heard it, I was in a relationship I thought would last. I truly believed love was enough. But the man I was with didn’t have a relationship with God, and yet I hoped he could love me the way God intended a man to love a woman, like Christ loves the Church. he wasn’t connected to God, he hadn’t spoken about faith, he didn’t pray and boy did I pray up a storm for him, I was a prayer warrior lol, wow!  He hadn’t set foot in a church in a long time. Yet somehow, I still believed he would do right by me… silly little girl I was. 

Looking back, I realise how misplaced that hope was. I loved the feeling of love, but I didn’t understand the depth of love rooted in God. This time, hearing the song hit differently. When India said,

“Then he made me laugh, and I knew it was a sign,”

I understood.

Life can be heavy. Laughter doesn’t come easy when your heart has been through a lot. So when someone brings joy back into your life, it’s not luck. It’s a blessing. It’s a sign of God’s grace.

This is just a reminder: God is still answering prayers, even the ones about love. Even yours. Your kingdom spouse isn’t forgotten. They are being prepared, just like you are.

Hold on. Healing love exists. And God hasn’t overlooked you.

I isolate not to disappear, but to protect the softest parts of me.

A homebody by instinct, a lone flame I’ve kept lit in quiet rooms.

Anti-social? Yes.

Overthinker?Always.

Jesus in my breath.

OCD in my bones.

firstborn of an African house, raised in duty, dressed in pressure, never taught how to stay where love feels too close.

I move too fast, talk before I’m asked,

interrupt the silence because I already know the script.

Small talk feels like noise but your voice? I could let it fill me like music,like breath.

I love the way you say my name, slow, low, like you’re tasting it first.

Your accent curls around each word, turning sound into touch.

Your kindness undresses me not skin but fear.

It’s like your soul was given instructions on how to cradle mine, like you knew the shape of my ache before I ever said a word.

Your hands speak in heat and weight, strong enough to anchor me, gentle enough to ask permission.

When you walk, the world slows, your body in rhythm like something divine. And when your lips find my forehead, your scent stays, warm spice and something holy. It lingers on my skin, long after you’ve gone.

Your skin is lighter than mine but when we touch we make the shade between honey and dusk.

Caramel and chocolate blending, blooming, brown-eyed children dancing in daydreams. 

I could live without you but I don’t want to.

I want your voice in my ear, your hands on my hips, your breath in my mouth, your presence written all over my quiet life.

My mother best not read this, the church must not find out. I’m on my second plane now ready for take off, I’m finally making it home even though I heard that the city is cold. I have been on the costal areas for too long that I forgot the Free State breeze and even though it has been warm where I’ve been, I’m glad I’m going back to my apartment to drink my green tea and carry on with my diet.

But this, my gorgeous lady is for you to read, if there is a man loving you right, send it to him! Let him know how he makes you feel…

As for me, I’m taking off

I want to be in a place where you can always find me.

no games, no time to waste.

And I just want to stay beside you, even in death, even at the end.

It’s never easy letting go of everything you’ve ever known but I’ll do it gracefully, because I see how much you give, how much you sacrifice without ever asking for anything back.

And if there’s still a drop of pure love left in me,it’s yours, ALL OF IT!  Even the parts I’ve hidden,the parts I swore I’d take to the graveI’m sharing them with you.

I’m opening up,blooming wider than any flower because you make it safe to be seen.

No shame. No fear. I’m not holding anything back.

I can’t help falling in love with you despite what the wise men say, I feel the rush… yes, I am the fool who’s rushing in

We’re doing 180 on an 80, running red lights like promises I’d never break.

I’d put my life on the line for you.Stand in front of a bullet. And if I die maybe I’ll come back and haunt you, I am joking bae, I’ll take you with me… No that’s a joke too, but you jump, I jump right? Like Jack and Rose on the Titanic… Only we both make it out, there’s no freezing in my arms. 

I know, it sounds a little dark, maybe even twisted but that’s just how wild it feels to love you.

I feel like I will do all the things I said I won’t do.

Wrote two poems in a plane, this is the second one. Both the poems are really without structure, I must admit, I’ve been writing like I am making an entry in my diary, only I’ve been using my notes and it’s been the best thing ever. I wasted so much time trying to sound good, to make my writings make sense, trying to be a writer, I am done with that, you are about to read the most unhinged and unplanned writing ever, unedited and raw.

The plan is to write about love as much as I can, the good, the bad and the ugly too, sometimes nasty, Sometimes holy but all of that will be me, so leave your judgement until we meet at the pearly gates of heaven since you’ll be a security guard there, I hope you will be allowed to say a word or two, now you see? Get it? You’ll be on the same queue with me, awaiting the King! Now does your judgement matter? No, it doesn’t… but yours is definitely coming, so stay on your lane and give the throne to God. But for those who just love reading! Let’s just read, let’s keep reading

And may every girl get to experience a love that makes life better.

The last couple of days have been amazing on, even my skin is changing

Exhibit A

Actually, my whole being is changing

I can’t explain it, I feel like I am giving Lerato a chance, it has always been about everything else but me, everyone else, a whole lot of me transferred to everyone else but me and for a very long time I thought that’s how it should be and I was so unfair to me; so I am starting to love me AGAIN

I am starting all over AGAIN

I am learning me all over again, I am taking her into consideration, I am refusing to put her last, I am learning to allow her to be imperfect, to take it easy, to rest at night and have joy in the morning. Sometimes God destroys somethings to the root so that you stop clinging to it, He breaks the alter into ashes so much that it will hurt your soul to go back and rebuild it… and that’s how some endings bless your life.

People should simply love you for who you are and not for performance… I mean, you don’t need to prove yourself before you could win them over, you don’t need to always be the help before you feel appreciated, you need to be able to say no and know that it won’t be an offence , I’ve learned that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no, we keep learning

Anyway…

Its all love