So I loved a person, and I guess my love became overwhelming because the last time we spoke as a couple he said to me “I cant be with you, I dont love you the way you love me” that was his way of telling me that I am not completing him. I took it in, Took me a while to digest it because I thought when you love a person right, thats all that is needed, not in this case, I was loving a person right and it was wrong. Okay, few days past and I am still getting used to being single, a week past and I am getting over it, 3 weeks after, I can sleep better at night, I can go a day without even thinking about it and I can finally laugh without pretending. All I want to say to a person who is broken hearted is that, If it was yours, it wouldn’t have left because what is yours will never pass you by. I know some invested a lot of time and energy and sacrificed so much for the person you were with and it was never enough, cheer up and move on, live your life and be happy that yo have a heart that loved and the fact that it hurts means your love was not fake. Be proud of yourself for allowing you to feel the way you did.

I am working on myself, took me a while but I decided to take a chance on myself.

Let me tell you about me, I am loving and I am kind, I am a Child of God, I am a first born, I am intelligent, if I do say so myself, I love movies, I dont really love going out, I dont have a lot of friends, I work and I want to have an empire, something like Oprah’s Own Network, I am above 25 years…thats all I can say about age, I love music and I can sing, I want to have a PhD someday, I am a huge believer in love and getting married to my soul mate and living happy ever after

But lately I have been fighting demons and I been feeling alone, suicide thoughts visit my mind but I am not leaving like that, I have been wondering about my purpose and seeking for healing, I have been scattered on the floor and begging God to help me forgive and move on and sometimes it feels like I am walking in circles, Like I am almost there but I am not and I fight this with prayer because I am a child of God, Then I come back and organise photo-shoots, projects to help people, I post motivational content and I put my head up like Ik now what I am doing, I dont.

But I am hoping that all I do to better my life will actually take me there. Its not easy being born in a background where everything you have, you had to get by fighting, fighting for survival, fighting for opportunities and fighting to be the best. I dont want to make that an excuse but it does have an impact in my mindset so I also go around fighting self pity and telling myself that I am also worthy of everything good, I then write about it on social platforms to encourage those who are also going through it.

I want to tell you that its not easy and I have to be a preacher and teach me to accept and move on, get up and fight, know when to stop and also tell myself not to stop, cry myself to sleep or wake up all night trying to figure out my next step, so if you are wondering that you are alone, you are not, I am on top of the world and the next day I am not but I am praying to stay above and make life better for my family and I am hoping I become better

I’m a work in progress
I’m a seed growing into a flower
I’m a storm that’s rising
And getting stronger with every hourAnd God knows I ain’t perfect
Tell me who in the world is
All I know is that I’m searching
For somebody to love me withThese flaws I got
They’re a part of who I am
Take me or not
But I finally understandAnd I’m so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop
‘Cause baby you ain’t worth it
If I’ve got to camouflageFor love, for love
No, I won’t camouflage
For love, for love
I won’t camouflageI need a lot of improvement
Not even half way to destiny
But I’m a train that’s moving
And everyday I’m picking up speedAnd God knows you ain’t perfect
So who are you to put pressure on me?
That’s why I?m still searching
For somebody to love me withThese flaws I got
They’re a part of who I am
Take me or not
But I finally understandAnd I’m so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop
‘Cause baby you ain’t worth it
If I’ve got to camouflageFor love, for love
No, I won’t camouflage
For love, for love
I won’t camouflageI learned from my mistakes
The only way you’re gonna be happy
Is if someone’s down to take you
When it’s good and it’s bad you seeI tried giving half of me
And in the end I came up empty
And that’s why I’m searching, yeah
For somebody to love me with these flawsThese flaws I got
There a part of who I am
Take me or not
But I finally understandAnd I’m so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop
‘Cause baby you ain’t worth it
If I’ve got to camouflage

These flaws I got
They’re a part of who I am
Take me or not
But I finally understand And I’m so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop
‘Cause baby you ain’t worth it
If I’ve got to camouflage For love, for love
No, I won’t camouflage
For love, for love
I won’t camouflage

I am not sure how this day will end but I am sure that I will start it with hope. I have learned that when life feels cloudy and stormy, when you have reached rock bottom, when there is absolutely nothing to look up for, when you feel cold and alone in a room full of people, all you need to do is allow your selfshine when there is no sunshine. You allow your selfshine by understanding that everything you are going through is not permanent, even if it hurts like hell, even if it wakes you up in the middle of the night with tears in your eyes, it will pass and you will feel the Sunshine. Your Selfshine is the strength that made you wake up and show up even when you wanted to stay in bed all day, your selfshine is the strength you have to smile when all inside of you is falling apart, your Selfshine is the ability to have faith that one day you will feel the sunshine. Pain is also a reminder that you feel, its a reminder that you care, its a reminder that you are alive its also a reminder that you are strong because if you can feel it, go through it, survive it and tell stories about then you are above it and that is your selfshine.

Maybe parts of you are tired right now, maybe hope is fading away right now, maybe your faith is tested right now, maybe suicide thoughts are all you hear in your mind right now, maybe you feel alone, everyone you came through for dont even know your name when you need them most but you are light, allow your selfshine, DO NOT STAY THERE TOO LONG

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
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• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

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