I’ve had the privilege of encountering several remarkable men in my life, both older and younger, and I’m confident enough to share this with you today.

Before your thoughts leap to conclusions, let me clarify: this isn’t what you might assume. So, rein in those wild notions and scrub away any negative stereotypes. This is about how some men can genuinely assist women without expecting anything in return when their intentions are pure. I’ve encountered men who offer help with ulterior motives, who deceive, manipulate, and mistreat others. They’re the ones who give credence to the derogatory term “dog” for men, just as there are women who embody the deceitful traits of “snakes.” I won’t defend such individuals because, regrettably, I’ve been bitten by them a few times myself.

But let me introduce you to a different kind of man — one whose intentions stem from genuine goodness. Despite any reluctance to admit it, men can be truly remarkable. A good man will extend a helping hand, connect you with the right people, reliably show up when needed, defend you, and honor his promises. Reflecting on my past, I realise that whenever I faced a crisis, encountered an emergency, or found myself stranded, it was a man who came to my aid, not a woman but a man.

On numerous occasions, I could have stumbled into toxic relationships, but inexplicably, a man’s advice about the person I was about to obsess over would steer me in the right direction. Yes, they can be annoying at times, especially when they behave like children, but somehow, men have an amazing ability to motivate and comfort you better than even your jealous girl friends. They possess a trick for simplifying complex situations. I’ve been in situations where a total stranger noticed my distress, like the time I found myself lost in thought at Checkers. I didn’t even realise I was speaking to myself until the gentleman approached me, saying, “My sister, you can’t let whatever you’re going through consume you to this extent or do you want to be admitted to a mental institution!?” I looked at him and laughed, even though he was hard at work unpacking goods, he spoke to me and we laughed and he told me not to take everything seriously, in just 5 minutes.

Once, when I was involved in an accident and trembling with shock, a traffic officer not even on duty entered my car, calming me down and efficiently collecting all the necessary information for me. He later sent it to me without any ulterior motives. Another time, when I was lost in a Johannesburg suburb, a stranger noticed my predicament and offered to lead me to safety, despite being on his way back to work from lunch. He guided me without any inappropriate advances.

There are indeed good men on this Earth, and they deserve every bit of recognition and appreciation. Unfortunately, they often go unnoticed, overshadowed by the destructive behavior of others. Society tends to glorify the chaos wrought by womanizers, sex offenders, and stalkers, while good men are relegated to the sidelines, subjected to phrases like “good men finish last,” which only serve to undermine their inherent strength.

To every man who has made a crucial call on my behalf, stepped aside so I could pass through a doorway first, lifted my spirits on a difficult day, pumped my gas at the station, helped me carry a heavy load, provided directions, or simply extended kindness for its own sake, I offer my heartfelt thanks. May God bless you abundantly. And to all the other good men out there: may life shower you with blessings, leading you to find a partner as wonderful as you are — someone who cooks like your mother, prays for you like your pastor, possesses the beauty of a sunset over the ocean, and treats you with kindness, for you deserve to return home to peace after shouldering the weight of the world.

And yes, I am referring to myself.

I  have realised that some girls don’t know how to speak, I realised their thought processing is weak because of the things they say, what they confess about their lives and the things they talk about generally because of these women, every one treats us the same. I have realised some elders would speak to you about everything because they are used to women the same age group as me being messy, I am not messy and honestly, I don’t want to talk to an elder like they are my mind, I prefer to absorb knowledge.

I have heard girls say “I am broke” and I will never confess that even if my bank account has lost weight, I will never confess something I hate, I hate not having money and I will never attach the state of not having one to my name, I am a billionaire, a tycoon, I have prosperity written all over, it never runs out, it never runs weak, that’s me.

I have heard women say “men are dogs” other even take it a step further that men should die. I came across a post, it was a joke but it said “Even if its 3 am, if you ladies wake up and decide to kill men, please wake me up, I am coming” I will never say that and I have been hurt too, but why would I want to go kill my husband? That’s my man even when he is taking his time, that’s my boo. Instead I pray for him though I don’t know him. I am a grown woman, I know how to speak life.

I have encountered girls speaking ill of themselves because they are with their friends and they want to relate. They talk about how lit it was at a party they attended, usually this kind of talk involves a lot of activities I don’t relate to, I don’t even feel left out. What good will I gain from speaking about night life intercessions? While they sipping on something at 3 a.m, wasting money on regrets, I am praying in tongues, that’s the language I speak, hell breaks and heaven stands in formation WHEN GROWN WOMEN SPEAK.

I am cautious of my tongue, it has power, I am careful with what I say because it comes to pass, I mind my jokes, I don’t joke about myself and if I said it, know that I meant it because I don’t speak without thinking, If I said it, I mean it

I am a grown woman, my tongue brings life.

Somedays I woke up against my will,

If I had it my way I would be singing with the angels without no care

the thought of death felt rewarding, it became something I prayed upon day and night.

Everyday the same old pain, the same demons, and trials

I learned to silence my heart, buried it beneath treasures, in places unknown.

I’ve learned to bite my tongue and hold back the tears and I mourned for years

I cut my  hair and vowed against my name.

Fairy tales are lies, feeding the illusion of a perfect love that doesn’t exist.

Oh so I thought… I was wrong.

You’ve restored my faith,I believe again

Putting me back together every time me meet,

I’ve let go of my misery and everything I can’t fix,

I have let go of my past ghosts

What was once a haunted mansion has become a haven, in you I find refuge

There is no wall I wont break, no fear I wouldn’t overcome

There is no battle I will forfeit, no war I wouldn’t win

With you

the remedy to my poisoned soul

Eradicating the venom from my veins, I am recuperated

Bringing me to life, you are part of my anatomy.

I want to squeeze myself into your beautiful soul, I want to stay suffocate in your inhale

And then exhale all the anxiety and self doubt…you  make me this way

So gentle when you speak, I find liberation in your words.

I could search for you in every planet and I know I will find you the same.

Circumstances don’t change you, your intentions are always pure.

I would search amongst the galaxies and still not start would shine brighter than your smile.

Bringing me back to life, you make me want to live, keep trying life.

And now every pain I know has become a legend.

Once upon a time these scars mattered, it was my end

You’ve added chapters to my novel, I love writing these pages with you.

In every sentence I have found meaning,  no words can explain the feeling

You make me this way

When it comes to you I am not afraid to jump, I know we will make it to the other side

There’s no risk too high, no rule I wouldn’t break, I am not afraid…

You’ve seen my colours and still amazed, all these complexities and you stayed.

You find me in my darkest place and pull me to the light, I love it here where you are.

I have made it my home, you feel so safe.

On my worst days, you are my muse

You paint a beautiful picture, you feel like art

Without hesitation you hold me close and my universe is brought to life,

Particle to particle I am reborn, remade, evolved

I would rather surrender to the thoughts of you than paranoia of shuttered goals

Life with you feels like a miracle, everyday  magical

Its been a while

I take my blog as a diary, I love coming here to express who I am, I love it here and I have readers who relate, I read every reply, I see the stats so I know who spends how much time and when, to the people reading the blog, thank you because you read, relate and respond to me and I love knowing about you and knowing I am not the only one feeling certain things.

I had an accident but thank God, everything is okay now and baby Ruu is back, I feel sad that my baby had to experience something like this before she is even a year old, I feel like a bad mother, when you meet me going 20 km/h  on the road, mind your business and overtake me please, I am avoiding unforeseen circumstance. I still get scared sometimes when I have to drive in a busy road but I see it through, I don’t have time to be scared, I am not a passenger princess, I cant assign anyone else to do this for me, I have to see this through.

I have begun my Masters Degree in a different programme, yes, no more Marketing, this is a bit challenging, however I am still winning, I have an assignment to complete yet here I am, giving the tea to my readers on the latest events of my life, I still have 1000 hours let before submission, we are still okay .  I received a bursary too, yes! I am fully funded.  Applying for this bursary was a painful process but we are here now and I am grateful. I received the good news while my baby girl was still at the panel beaters therefore I couldn’t celebrate, I am truly happy.

I moved to a bigger apartment and the only way to park here is by reverse parking, I wish you could see my face right now as I am about to tell you that I AM A REVERSE PARKING PRO. Because our parking space is so small, the only way to park is by reversing, in the morning you don’t have to struggle to be on your way, you car is already facing the drive through. At first it took me 20 minutes and now we are at 10 minutes, its funny for people who have been driving for year, let me remind you that I have been driving for 8 Months, be easy on me. The other bedroom is void, I haven’t made it my own yet and I want to turn it into a studio, I love art and I felt that maybe I should sell the bed and replace it with a sleeper bed to create more room and then I make use of the remaining space to turn that room into a mini-studio, it should work. I want to make it my literature library and photography studio, I am learning to take professional pictures and I also take Camera’s as gifts too, in case you feel generous, I love the SONY brand…by the way, a small camera would do, I have small hands, like I said just in case you feel generous, I take gifts too.

I have been going through it and I think I have enough of these sad days, keep me in your prayers.

I have been thinking that sometimes life can give you so much and take you from one level to another, but every stage of growth has its own challenges, I now why God made me wait for this level of my life. The me I was 2 years ago would be handle to handle things I have handled the past few weeks. I was a baby a few months ago but now, I am a grown woman and even my mama agrees with me on this one, she agrees with it so much that she gave me spare keys to our home in case I want to stay out longer, I finally have the house spare keys, at my age, others had them at 21 but I am excited, I could leave this city at 8 pm, drive home and get there at 11 pm and I don’t wont have to knock, that’s means mom approves that I am now officially a grown woman.

Over and above, I am in good health, I have been off the grid and I am okay with that, this era of my life demands my time and I have given it over, I dont even have time, between working, travelling and studying, I am hitting my squads and eating well that I barely have time to even entertain gossip, say.. .I wonder whats the news about me lately. I am not vulnerable and I don’t hold back, in case the last time we spoke I was a bit vulnerable and shy, that girl is gone… this is the updated version and I block people now, I handle business, I don’t step back and I don’t bite my tongue, I reciprocate vibez now…respectfully

I was praying and I was in tears that night and while venting out to God I just felt an overwhelming need to be silent, but knowing me I continued and continued because I was not having an easy time and I was done pretending that everything happening does not bother me, I kept on.

As I pray, I am moving around my apartment, I am stating my case and nothing can stop me, I just went on my knees, just suddenly… I was crying, on my knees with nothing to say but so many feeling and there was silence, it felt like the world had just moved away, and I felt the urge to go to my laptop and start typing and this is what came out:

“I work with people like you, I work with a mess, I work with anxiety, I work with bipolar and I heal, I heal restless minds, I take away fear and I am more closer when your heart is broken, Didnt I tell you that? Didnt I promise to never depart from you? . The end of you is the beginning of me, when you have had enough of seeing how far you can go, I need you to know; you didn’t need to handle it, you are never alone, I am mighty in battle, before you were born I was already fighting for you, nothing can touch you unless it goes through me, I am the reason a weapon will never destroy you, I am the reason the weapon will never succeed in destroying you, I am the I am, there is nothing I can not be . Everything you need is in me, I am everything. I dont lie, I don’t lie, I don’t take back my word, you don’t have to win me over, I was yours before you were even born, before you had the ability to make a choice, I was already for you, you have me, you have everything, you have me, yo will always have me“

“Have I lost it?” I thought as I stared at the above reading it over and over again, “Why am I typing this? what am I gonna do with it?” are questions that followed.

There were no tears while typing that, I could see my keyboard and I could type perfectly, the words where natural to my mind, I didnt have to think about the next word as I was typing, it just flowed in and out of my mind and I will keep reading it.

In case these are words you also needed to hear, I am glad you came acros this unedited insert

I want to give myself my flowers this morning, I want to give myself a standing ovation, I am strong and I hold it down if I have to, I want to give myself that pat on the back, sing myself “For she’s a jolly good fellow” because honestly, I have been through it and I am still here, honestly its not easy being me, I sometimes ask God “Why did you make me like this?” I wish I didn’t care; I wish I had a heart that knows how to be angry, how to betray, how to hurt people and blame it on my personality.

But I am forgiving, I smile with people who have said the worst things about me, sometimes I tell myself that I will be cold and distant but I find myself still showing them love and kindness and I hate it. I fight for myself, I fight for what I believe in even when I fight on my own which I always do, no one has ever fought for me, no one has ever said “stand back, I got you” so if you see me with something, somewhere know that no one helped me get it but God, I owe no one nothing, and still in a world where you need connections and a famous surname to make it somewhere I am here, God gave me that chance.

Honestly I deserve an applause, I should have been done for, I should have been through when every girl around me chose an easy way out, I stood firm in Christ and though it was hard, I stood firm to my principles and my home teaching while I was far away from home. Girls who were in the same position as me, the same background, having the same problems tried to pimp me out (As we millennials put it) they tried to hook me up with their well off friends so I may have someone buying me food and fetching me from school after 9 pm classes but I stood my ground, I walked in the dark after hours from school and nothing happened to me, I had a choice to get myself a minister of transport and they did try to get to me too but I stood my ground, someone needs to give me a high five.

I had so many opportunities to give up, I could just let go and be ordinary but the spirit of God always pushed me to go further even against my will, I too get tired and it didn’t matter, I had to show up and sometimes no one was cheering for me on, I had to be my own motivational speaker, look at the mirror and tell the girl I see that she will make it, that she is smart and beautiful, Myself and God only know how I had to speak life to everything, I had to knock on doors that were written “no entry” I knocked countless times because I believed in nothing but His word and they thought I was crazy, they said I was delusional until the doors opened and now they start hating .  I have knocked countless times on doors that didn’t open until my knuckles bled, I knocked and waited, waiting is not easy but I waited and went through fire, I got burned and it changed me, for the good and for the bad, and no one took time to understand why I turned out the way I did, all the saw was a fighter who cant take no for an answer, they saw an independent women who cant rely on anyone, they saw a closed woman who cant share nothing with no one, and they called me “strong” when all I wanted was a hug and that changed me, now when I walk in without expecting to be treated with softness they say I am too tough, I had to be, the world chews up soft women and I have no intention to be on the menu.

Somebody needs to congratulate me for not losing my mind, for working on myself, for taking time to realise when I have fumbled, for learning how to be a good woman, for the time I have invested in investigating myself and my flaws, just to fix things I didn’t know were broken in me. Some women don’t care, pride has closed their eyes, they don’t care if they are wrong or right, they believe its who they are and you should accept the toxicity. I am my biggest critic and I want to be a good person. I have learned to know my weaknesses and I have called myself out on my wrongs, I ask for forgiveness and I admit my wrongs, it took a while to be here, I need to treat myself better, I need to realise how far I have come and thank God for the work he has done in me.

I have carried the world on my shoulders and I made it look like a pair of wings, I have walked on these streets like I have been here before when I had no idea where to turn to find a taxi to take me home, in a city far from home, far from everything I know I taught myself how to get into places, I taught myself systems, all these commitments I made, all these sacrifices created and broke me, be careful with me.

There are people who want to be a part of my life because they love the idea of me, but once they get to meet the reality of me, the work it takes to be me, the battles with my mind, the battles against limitation, my responsibilities, my faith, my fears, once they understand the battles it takes for me to be this soft, then they get scared. It takes patience and kindness to qualify, it takes gentleness to deal with me, if you cant be patient and kind, I don’t want you, I don’t want to be in your presence because you don’t have the values I need.

Next time when you see me, and everything I have know that only God and me put in the work, no one takes the credit, no one takes the lead, this is the house only I and God built

their first message to me

on this screenshot of their “Twitter Conversation” he is lying about me

Sometimes I think its just someone trying to scam me but then a part of me doesnt want to take it lightly, I really dont know,

WHAT DO YOU THINK? send a private text and I can send more screenshots