Tag: bible

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A BEAUTIFUL FATHER

My day is officially off the rails. I have two massive bottles of water sitting in front of me like security guards, and I ate breakfast at dawn because I knew if I didn’t, today’s workload would force me into an accidental intermittent fasting routine.

When on earth did I become this much of an adult? I swear just a few months ago I was ironing an outfit for a job interview. Fast forward to right now, and I’m driving across the country, leading new projects, running as the head writer and editor of a new newsletter, and having people pull up to my desk asking for advice on their own publications. I am preparing to present in front of the executives, and I am personally responsible for bringing 3rd stream money into this organization. Please take this as a live update!

On top of all that, I am signing for TEMU packages every two days because I bought new things for a property I own. Yes, your girl is officially a homeowner! I am helping my little brother get through university, all while actively going to therapy because let’s be honest, slipping into madness is entirely too easy these days. I am currently the proud mother of two beautiful plants, with a colleague set to hand over eight more. I am absurdly excited about this plant takeover. Oh, and I’m out here fighting off men like they are a plague. Who called you all? Who said I was easy? Who told you I wouldn’t hold you accountable to every word you spit while running game on me? You clearly haven’t heard about me yet!

All of these things are happening to me at once. They affect how I feel, how I interact with people, how I manage stress, and how I wake up every single morning to tackle another problem without throwing in the towel. And that’s not just because my mother didn’t raise a punk, but simply because my God is good.

It is completely impossible for me to tell my story and leave God out of it. He is where it all starts, and He is where it will ultimately end. At least for me, I don’t know about your personal theology!

So allow me to brag about how good He is for a moment.

God is so beautiful that He literally broke my heart. He dragged me out of places I thought I deserved to be in and separated me from relationships I thought were good for me, just to save my soul. You see, God could have easily let me stay in those situations just to spare my feelings in the moment. He knew how deeply I loved them and how badly I wanted things to work. But my God made it so uncomfortable for me to stay. He saw the betrayal coming, He knew they wouldn’t reciprocate, and He knew they wouldn’t even lift a finger to make things right. He knew I deserved better, even when I was out here selling myself short. He orchestrated a divine separation. Now that is a Beautiful Father!

Maybe you know that feeling all too well. Maybe you’re reading this right now while nursing a quiet heartbreak of your own, staring at a closed door you prayed so hard would stay open, or trying to make sense of a delay, a loss, or a direction change you didn’t ask for. It hurts to let go of what felt like a dream. But sometimes what feels like a devastating loss is actually God stepping in to protect what you couldn’t see coming.

He is such a Beautiful Father that He made me a stubborn fighter and a sharp observer. Even when it hurts that I struggle to let go, my God knew I would be born into my family, and He knew they needed a girl who would get educated and show everyone else that it is possible. She was going to face obstacles, but her head needed to be hard, a persistent and stubborn force. Behold, I emerged, and it was all through God’s word!

I can almost picture the conversation in heaven: “Listen, give her extra melanin. She’s going to need it for those long NSFAS queues! But give her strong feet too, because she’s going to carry a Master’s degree and a PhD later on.”

God, I see the vision! What a Beautiful Father. In the book of Jeremiah, He promises that His plans for us are good. Don’t ever doubt that. His plans are infinitely better than anything we could try to plan for ourselves, so let Him lead. He has your back way more than anyone else you’re trying to rely on.

A lot has broken my heart along the way. One time, I walked into my house and just sobbed. I didn’t even fully understand why I was crying. I just crawled onto that cold tile in my kitchen and cried a whole river. I wept until my eyes were swollen shut and my throat was dry.

Then it hit me: earlier that week, I had asked God to help me release tension. I had been hit with so many life changes without a single second to just be soft. Everything was happening at lightning speed. It was a blessed season, but it demanded everything from me: a new home, family tombstone unveilings, and starting a new program at school on top of my Master’s workload. Even though I knew I was strong, I didn’t realize how much it was going to drain me. I needed to catch my breath, but life wasn’t slowing down.

So I had offered up a quick prayer: “God, help me de-stress, because I feel like I’m about to crash and burn.”

What a wild prayer to pray, right? Most people would just book a massage or take a bath without dragging God into it! But He is the God of everything. If He built me, He knows my exact breaking point. As a woman who goes to therapy, I can tell you I’ve never cried like that in a paid session. God meeting me on my kitchen floor was the ultimate therapy. I felt an overwhelming wave of love, peace, and total assurance right after. It was like God was gently saying, “Cry it out. I never said you had to hold it together all the time. Release it, wipe your face, and get back up. I’ve got you.”

He is a Beautiful Father. You don’t need to act tough when you come to Him. I don’t know who taught you to hide your pain, or who made you think you aren’t allowed to break, mourn, or be weak. I don’t know if you’re currently overwhelmed by work, carrying the heavy financial weight of your family, struggling through a demanding degree, or just feeling completely exhausted from trying to look strong for everyone else. But if you are going to fall apart, make sure you fall straight into God’s hands. I would much rather break down in His embrace than pretend to be strong for a world that isn’t even paying attention.

So cry if you need to cry. Feel whatever you need to feel, and tell Him all about it. He can handle your messy emotions, your burn-out, your anxiety, and your stubborn heart.

You don’t have to carry the whole world on your shoulders today. You don’t have to have every answer figured out by tonight. You just have to let the One who built it carry you. Take a deep breath, drop your shoulders, and rest knowing that every single chapter of your story is being completed by Him.

Because one day, when I am in my coffin, with my organs donated to give someone else a second chance and my cold body laying there for final goodbyes, I know it will mark the end of a life where God was fully, undeniably present. My end will tell a God story. That body will be living proof that God is good straight to the final breath. It will be the grand finale of a beautiful life given, sustained, and completed by a Beautiful Father.

Even in the end—especially in the end—He is good.

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I live with a man, but this isn’t about him.

Living with a man is an experience. He has this interesting habit of leaving his socks right next to the washing bin instead of inside it as if the bin and the socks are in a complicated relationship and not quite ready to commit. He has a massive appetite and when it comes to fixing things, let’s just say his heart is in the right place but his hands are not. If something breaks and he tries to repair it, God bless him, the effort is 100 percent, but we usually end up calling a professional to fix whatever he just fixed. At first, I was fuming. I thought these things were just automatic for men. Meanwhile, I am over here bossing my space and dominating my responsibilities as a woman. Sure, I might burn a shirt here and there while ironing, but did you die? No. You are still breathing. The shirt may not be, but you are.

Plot twist. Living with my little brother has opened my eyes to a world I honestly never knew existed. I have lived on my own for a long time with no partners or pets. My plants were my only companions and they do not exactly talk back or leave a mess unless you count emotional neglect when I forget to water them. I was so used to my own space that I forgot what it was like to actually share it with another human being. The adjustment has been a real journey. Not the cute kind, but the kind where you are constantly asking yourself what lesson is in this. It has shown me how differently we were raised even though we have the same parents. The version of our parents that raised him is totally different from the version that raised me. Same people but different seasons. Seeing that contrast broke my heart. It made me realise that I needed to keep up with my therapy because my inner child had some healing to do. I also had to accept that our parents were learning as they went along too. This is their first time living life just like it is ours.

Now that I am a homeowner, I have realised I sound exactly like my mother. It is a total slap in the face because I really wanted to create my own identity but here we are. I finally understand why she obsessed over the small things. Leaving the lights on is not just lights to me anymore. When my brother does it, all I see is the electricity bill. It is money. He needs to grow up, so now there are rules he needs to follow. I am truly my mother’s daughter because if I see a few drops of water on my wooden floor I do not care how long my day was. I will make a fuss because those are my floors and I want them to stay fresh for as long as I live. Let us give our parents some grace.

My circle keeps telling me that this is preparation for my future husband. They love saying this is how it is going to be when you are married. Listen, I rebuke that in Jesus name. My husband is going to be a grown man. I am not looking to raise him. We are going to grow together and make life easy for each other. I hear what people are saying but I refuse to believe I will have to remind a whole adult to do basic chores like I am reminding my brother now. Right. Right. Someone please agree with me because at this point I am slightly alarmed. Now if we are talking about kids, I can accept that. I will be their mother so I will give them a little tap on the behind to make sure they align well. Plus I will not be doing that alone.

Something has definitely shifted in me. I used to have zero patience and never gave second chances because I believed there is a stage where you are grown enough to act accordingly. My little brother fixed that. He is currently on his thirty-fourth chance and he only moved in this February. Living alone I could ignore my own flaws. I could leave my weave lying around the house and no one would say anything. Peace. Silence. Delusion. He does not scold me but he mimics me. If I leave my shoes in the lounge, guess whose shoes are in the way the next day. Exactly. So now I am closing cupboard doors and drawers because if I leave them open he will too. It is a shared chaos.

I want you to take from this the fact that you are not an island. Even if you have always had your own back, please open the door for people to help and love you. Doing life alone is fine but it is so much better with my brother around. There is a ten year gap between us and I find myself acting like a mother and not a sister but it has shown me that I am capable. I was always afraid of being a mom or allowing anyone into my space because I thought they would disrupt everything I had built. But I have discovered I am a great host. I take care of people and I am selfless. I am a good cook and I take care of what needs to be taken care of. I realised that I have a beautiful life, yes scary, a bit too much at times, busy, complex but its beautiful and I want to share it with people I care about.

Allow yourself to receive help. Not everyone is going to hurt you like the people who reminded you they helped you when you needed them. Some people are truly God sent and you will not know that until you open up. I have learned that nobody is perfect and I should not require that from people because I am not perfect either. I just masked my flaws so well that I believed I was good at everything. I am not. I have even learned to soften my tone when I am agreeing. A friend of mine said when you are angry and you realise that you are angry, the part of you that realises it is not actually angry and that is the part you lean on. I have been better ever since and honestly my therapist has done quite a lot.

I learned to trust in God. I thought I did but I was only trusting Him on things I could handle so that if He fails me I have the ability to redirect everything to my favour. I was a grown child and guess what happened, God gave me a scenario where my abilities couldnt control anything even if I tried. I trusted God with the property when a big sum of my salary had to go into the lawyers and I remember that day I cried and went to bed early. I spoke to my God and for the first time I was not only calling Him a Father but I actually went to Him as my Father and told Him I cannot do this. He said it is okay because I can. There was no space for me to question it. He always provides. Before deciding on my property I had a vision of myself in a house with wooden floors and stairs wearing my white throw which I love so much. When I viewed this property the vision came back and I knew it was my house, it was exactly as I saw it in my dreams, I knew that God has blessed this move. Please don’t doubt that God speaks.

I realised that the vision is already there. You just need to believe in the ability of your God. Everything happening in my life I am crazy enough to believe that it is on time. It sounds like a small thing but if you were to interview God and ask Him what it took to make me realise this He will tell you she is stubborn. The vision was a year before and twelve months later here I am and I am ready. A lot happened to make me take a step because I was scared including an intruder I had to fight off in my previous apartment. Let me assure you God will never fail you. If you will not move because you are scared He will give you reasons to move and when you do not He will push you until you surrender. So please surrender.

I am great. I am happy and scared. I am hopeful and still battling with faith. I have forgiven and I am still learning to forget. I am a woman learning and unlearning and I love this for me.

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I LOVE IT ALREADY

Happy New Year, my friend. Yes, I know I am late. By now, you are probably tired of hearing “Compliments of the New Year,” but I still want to send my heartfelt wishes your way. I hope this year brings you joy in abundance. I pray you soar in love and find yourself embraced by peace. I love this for you and I want you to believe it for yourself.

This is your year. Go back and try again where you have failed before. Pick up the things that once defeated you. This time, you will win. This year is different. It is restorative. What was lost will be restored and there will be plenty. Trust me, you will not lack. You will not bury a loved one. You will not feel alone. Love will find your heart after pain. Your heart, once numb and cold, will come alive again. It will beat with purpose and joy, more than just pumping blood to keep you going.

As for me, I love 2025 already. It started with hard truths that I could not avoid. Truth hurts, but it also sets you free. I am lighter now because I faced it.

We all carry questions about life. We wonder about family, careers, and the plans we make. We ask why some things do not work out the way we hope. Despite our achievements, there are voids that linger, leaving us curious about our place in the world. We wonder how others see us and whether they view us as blessings. It is a strange feeling to discover that not everyone does.

But that is also a moment of clarity. It is when you stop living for others and start living for yourself. I pray you never find yourself trapped in someone else’s expectations. Do not waste your life trying to please people who will always find fault. This year, choose to live your truth. Forget what they say or expect. Their opinions will change, but your life is yours to live.

For me, 2025 is all about stepping into a new season. Money flows to me effortlessly. I am never lacking. I have enough to take care of myself and plenty to share with others. This year looks good on me. I am checking off every goal with ease. I am excelling in all that I do, producing excellent results with grace.

I am the right choice in every room I walk into. Opportunities are drawn to me. My destiny helpers are everywhere, always ready to lift me when I need it. Love surrounds me completely. It is the kind of love that heals and restores. It is safe, secure, and pure. It brings me closer to God and helps me see the beauty in myself and the world.

This year is going to be exciting, a little scary, and completely powerful. I am ready for all of it.

Challenges will come, as they always do. They will test your faith and your patience. When that happens, lean into who God is. Read the Word and learn more about the King of Glory. Believe in His plans for you and trust that you deserve the blessings coming your way.

This year, you will see many happy moments from me. I hope to see just as many from you.

No matter what happens, hold on to God. He is the anchor and the one who restores all things. Here is to 2025, a year of fresh starts and big wins. Let us embrace it fully and make it count.

DO NOT LET GO OF GOD

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It’s a pretty rare happiness that i know

This might be a little long but I am at a point where I feel like people knowing my truth is the beginning of me living, no more cropping, editing or filtering, the picture is perfect AND I LOVE IT HERE

It’s 02:30am on a Saturday morning, and I just finished cleaning my apartment. My brother is visiting, and I know if he finds it dirty, he won’t respect it or me the way I hope he will. I started cleaning at 6:30 p.m., and as I was cleaning I was also listening to sermons by Pastor Stephanie Ike Okafor. Her sermons have been playing nonstop, and I thank God for using her to share His word which came as a conformation in my life, God has a beautiful way of reaching to us.

As I am cleaning, I found myself asking God questions, questions that came from a place of doubt and insecurity. I wondered, “Have I lived enough?” It was a silly thought, but it came from something I noticed earlier in the day while scrolling through WhatsApp statuses. I saw my colleagues at a work function, a closing party. They were singing along to amapiano songs, word for word, smoking hubbly, and sitting in circles. They seemed to be having fun and I knew immediately that if I was there, I would be a spoilsport.

And there I was, realising I wouldn’t fit in. I don’t know the lyrics to any amapiano songs. I’m allergic to nicotine, so I couldn’t sit in a hubbly circle. I couldn’t even imagine dressing the way they did and they looked beautiful but that’s not me. But even with all this, I still felt bad like something was wrong with me for not fitting in.

For years, I’ve struggled with this feeling of not belonging. I’ve tried to fit into crowds, which led me to people-please. I would downplay my love for God, hoping that if I seemed more like everyone else, they would accept me. I just wanted to be seen. But I was going about it the wrong way.

Thank God for His Word. Through these sermons, I was reminded that my identity is in God, not in the world. I don’t need to fit in with others because I belong to Him. In John 15:19, Jesus said, “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.” That verse reminded me that it’s okay to be different because God has set me apart.

Someone asked me recently why I only write about God and love, and not about things like drugs, sex, or nightlife, the things they said are “exciting.” My answer was simple: I don’t know anything about those things. For years, I felt bad about that, like knowing only God wasn’t enough. I thought I needed to know how to flirt, party, down shots, be cool like but or sin just enough to relate to people. I thought I needed to write about those things to seem cool. But this year, God has been working on my heart. He’s showing me that knowing Him is all I need.

I’m not perfect. I struggle with faith, sin, and self-esteem like everyone else. Sometimes God tells me to do one thing, and I do the opposite. But even in my weaknesses, God’s grace is enough for me. Isaiah 43:1 says, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.” That’s who I am, God’s baby girl. Fragile, cautious, and sensitive, but His. And that’s enough for me.

So, to anyone reading this, I won’t apologise for not fitting in. I won’t write about things I don’t know. What I will write about is God’s work in my life, how He corrects me, speaks to me, and reveals Himself to me. I’ll write about the things I love: academics, art, photography, books, and the life God is shaping for me. One day, I’ll share stories about being a wife and mom, and you’ll see how God is still working in my life.

I can’t give you gossip, updates on the latest trends, or wild stories. But I can give you honesty about my life and in my life, God is at the centre of everything. Philippians 1:6 says, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” I’m still a work in progress, and that’s okay.

So, please stop asking me to go clubbing or hang out at car washes…I won’t go. Don’t expect me to know the latest music or fashion trends. I am clueless, I am not interested, I just want to watch Kdrama on weekends, do my laundry, read a book, journal, enjoy filling in colours on my colouring book, watch Tik Tok, listen to sermons, take walks, listen to music, and I’m finally okay with that. I’m a little boring, a little weird, and a lot of “Miss Goody Two-Shoes.” But that’s who God made me to be, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Now, I know this is not fancy but that’s my truth and I would want you love me for who I am not and I wouldn’t want to live up to an idea of me that I created to fit in

Merry Christmas, and may God bless you in everything.

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Happy Birthday to me

This month, my birth month, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy. Today, I woke up with my heart full of thanks. I am here. I am blessed. I know my life is a testimony, a story that speaks of God’s grace and love.

Growing up, I didn’t have wealth or status, if anyhting they made fun of our household, a family of plenty that lived in a huge shack, God turned that huge shack into a big house, I thank Him everyday. My childhood was simple, filled with small joys and big dreams. I remember being nine years old at my aunt’s graduation. I didn’t fully understand what a graduation meant, but I could feel the pride and excitement in the room. Right then, I knew I wanted that feeling too, I wanted more . I just didn’t realise how much sacrifice, hard work, and self-discipline it would take to reach it. Now, standing where I am, I thank God for every bit of perseverance He has given me and for blessing me with a kind heart.

For anyone who knows me, kindness and gentleness are constants. I’ll smile at you even if I know what’s been said about me. I’ll give love, even when it’s rejected. I didn’t learn this alone but from the beautiful, God-fearing women who raised me. We didn’t always have much, but we had love. I watched my aunts and cousins share even the smallest things with one another. In those moments, I learned that love is enough.

Sometimes, I’ve felt disappointed, expecting that same love from others. But I’ve come to see it as a gift to be soft in a world that can be so hard, to be kind when hate is everywhere. This is a blessing.

As November 22, my birthday, approaches, I look at my life and am overwhelmed by how far God has brought me. When I sit in my car, I thank God because there was a time when owning a car seemed like a distant dream. Sitting in my own apartment feels like a miracle. Being a Master’s candidate, pursuing a dream I once thought was out of reach these are blessings I never saw coming.

There was a time when I thought my story might end in disappointment, especially after failing matric. But God had a different story for me, and He’s still writing chapters I never expected. I’m learning to accept the blessings around me, to live fully in this reality, and to trust that God has even more for me.

Here’s to more years of learning, of loving, and of living with a grateful heart. Thank you, Lord, for this life, this testimony. Here’s to all the moments yet to come.

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Surrendering to God’s Gentle Protection

This might be the last post for October, and I pray to God that I can be as open and vulnerable as I need to be. Over the past few weeks, I’ve dedicated several writings to the Holy Spirit, even though it wasn’t as consistent as I had hoped. Life has been busy, with reports, AGMs, conferences, and submissions keeping me on my toes. But through it all, I remain steadfast, made of steel. So please, bear with me as I share from my heart.

To you reading this, I pray God’s everlasting love, joy, and peace surround you. I pray that you never doubt His presence in your life, His faithfulness, or His care. Know this: God answers. He is present in the moments that matter most, and He loves you deeply. I encourage you to surrender, release your pride, your need for control, and let God take the lead. From the time you wake up in the morning to when you lay your head down at night, may He fill your heart with the desires He has placed inside you. May your life be full of the love, joy, and happiness that only God can give.

These days, standing boldly in the Word of God is no easy task. The world tries to sway us, but I pray for your strength. I pray that you are filled with courage, that you stand tall as a child of God, unafraid to proclaim His name. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

I pray that the prophetic anointing over my life flows into yours. May it run like oil, bringing vision, clarity, and direction. I speak the spirit of prophecy over you, may you see what others cannot see, may you speak with divine accuracy, and may you dream dreams that carry the mysteries of heaven. May the atmosphere shift to work in your favor because the Holy Spirit is leading you. God has called us to be ahead of time, to be informed of what’s to come so that we are never caught off guard. That is your inheritance as a child of God. Receive it.

And if your heart is fragile, like mine, know that I understand. I recently found myself asking God if I should stop caring so much, begging Him to make my heart hard, to numb the pain of disappointment and the sting of indifference. But in His gentle way, the Holy Spirit ministered to me through a sermon by Ms. Jackie Hill Perry. She shared how she, too, had built walls around her heart, believing she had to protect herself. But the Holy Spirit said to her, ““Jackie you know that your guardedness is there because your trauma has trained you to believe that you are the only one that can protect yourself, I will fight for you even emotionally I will vindicate you against people, you don’t have to guard your heart at all times because I am a defender of my people”

Those words hit me deeply. For so long, I’ve believed that if anyone posed a threat to my peace or disregarded my feelings, I needed to fight for myself, to protect my heart at all costs. I’ve been the one to apologise, to go the extra mile to make things right. But through this, I’ve learned that people are not always like me, and that’s okay. God is my defender. He guards the heart He gave me, a heart that loves deeply, feels deeply, and gives deeply.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:14).
This soft heart of mine, the one that sometimes feels like a burden, is not a mistake. God made it this way for a reason, and He will protect it. He will fight the battles I’ve spent too long fighting on my own. And if you’re like me, if you’ve struggled with this same fragility, I pray that you come to understand that God is also defending you. You are not too soft. You are exactly who He made you to be.

I’m grateful for the people God is placing in my life who hear me differently, who handle my heart with care, and who, like me, are persistent in love. God knows what He is doing, and I trust Him to continue working in ways that go beyond my understanding.

As I end this post, know that it has been a joy sharing with you about the Holy Spirit and hearing your perspectives as well. I pray this month has been as transformative for you as it has been for me. God is always speaking—may we continue to listen.

I love you all. Stay blessed.

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FEELINGS

I grew up believing that all sinners go to hell, and to avoid it, you had to follow the Ten Commandments and fear God. As I became an adult, before , long ago living a lukewarm Christian life, I realised something important: I feared hell more than I desired a relationship with God. I went to church and tried to live righteously, but my motivation was to avoid punishment, not to truly know Him. To me, God seemed distant, an immense, powerful being on His throne in heaven, answering prayers and sending challenges.

Not long ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me understand who He really is. Gradually, my prayers became more like conversations. I used to approach God with a formal attitude, carefully choosing words of praise, almost as if to soften Him before making my requests. I didn’t truly understand the Kingdom of Heaven because I didn’t have a relationship with its King. So, I began to open my heart in prayer. I wanted to take off the mask, I no longer wanted to sound strong or holy. I wanted to speak honestly, like a child talking to their Father and Friend.

Strangely, I began to desire a relationship with the Holy Spirit as if He were my older brother. I had always wondered what it would be like to have a big brother, someone to stand by me and have my back. That’s exactly what the Holy Spirit became.

Did you know that the Holy Spirit was sent to be your Comforter? God knew you wouldn’t always be happy or joyful. He knew there would be moments when your heart would break, and you’d need emotional support. The Holy Spirit is with you even in your darkest moments, especially when you can’t even find the words to pray. He helps you pray (Romans 8:26). Jesus Himself wept when His friend died (John 11:35), and He was angry when the temple was turned into a marketplace (John 2:13-16). It’s okay to feel, to grieve, to celebrate, to love, and to take pride in your accomplishments. Many Christians are hesitant to celebrate the blessings God has given them, thinking it’s more humble to stay quiet. But no! Celebrate. Be joyful and grateful for your victories, and get used to winning because you are a child of the living God. Don’t be afraid to feel.

I want to thank the Holy Spirit publicly for teaching me about feelings over these past few days. There’s no point in hiding how I feel from Him, He already knows my heart and my deepest thoughts (Psalm 139:2). I’ve been learning to love the Holy Spirit, and surprisingly, I’m also learning that I deserve to receive love in return. So often, people who give forget that they are worthy of receiving too. The Holy Spirit has given me so much contentment, protection, comfort, and joy that I’ve become more open about my emotions. I talk to Him about my bad days, my good days, and even the struggles in my mind. He understands my fears, and I’ve realised it’s okay to be curious, to need rest, to fall in love.

He hears our hearts when our words fail (Psalm 56:8).

What your heart feels is important, take down those walls you have built from God because you thought He wont handle something as small as your feelings. Yes, the maker of the universe is concerned about what is concerning you. I hope you understand that its okay to grieve, celebrate, get angry, care, be happy, fall in love or even cry

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I can handle you

(To everyone who has felt like they are too hard to handle, the holy spirit is FOR YOU)

I came back home, guns blazing, ready for war.
Things have been chaotic, and now, I feel the madness creeping in.
I don’t want anyone around when I’m like this, no one stays anyway,
And I get it. It’s too much, even for me.

Lately, I’ve been dreaming of disappearing,
Of finding a place where no one can reach me.
I hate admitting how much its all frustrating, I am seeking for an escape
And no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get a grip.
It scares me, this fight I’m in, I don’t know when to stop, What worse…I don’t know how to stop
so much that my knees grow weak, and my will is fading, my sweat is turning into blood, my heart is working overtime keeping my pulse.

I’ve been reckless, changing lanes at 160 on a 100.
It’s a miracle I’m still here.
Too many close calls, like I’m testing God.
I feel most alive when my life’s on the line.
I hate it here, A battle between my mind and faith. feels like these thoughts consume me.
They don’t reflect the God I believe in.
I should know better, but the voices in my head scream louder than my faith.

The more I dwell on my inability to fight like a Christian,
The more I fear falling to my knees again.
I imagine God saying, “Here we go again, same old story.”

I’m a contradiction.
One moment, I shout, “There are no broken pieces here!”
The next, I’m drowning in my own tears and fears.
One minute, I’m raising a glass with friends, “Cheers!”
The next, I’m speaking to empty chairs. All the women inside of me are scared of me at this point

Call me Harley Quinn, but there are no jokes here. This is not a comic book, these are not just words.

We all need someone who stays,
Someone to stand by our side,
But the world doesn’t work that way.
People have conditions.
People can’t handle our walls.
When family crumbles and I fall apart,
That’s too much for them.

Just when I feel too much to handle,
The Spirit whispers, “I can handle you.”

The Holy Spirit says:

“I don’t just handle you, I see you.
And not only do I see you, but you make sense.
You’re never too much.
I’m not like man, I won’t turn away.
I am your Comforter, your Friend.
I am the One who gives you rest when your heart is heavy,
And joy in the morning.
I stay.
I stay when you don’t have time for Me.
I stay because I know your heart.
You are not what you go through,
Or what you think is wrong with you.
I can handle you, and I always have.
You are never too much for Me.”

This is for the women hoping for someone to stay, The men searching for someone who will understand them
For someone who won’t find them too much
Who sees the parts they whisper in prayer,
Begging God to fix.
The Holy Spirit can handle you,
You’re not too much.
You’re not too vulnerable or too sensitive.
You are God’s creation, and you are very good.
Your Father approves of you.

You think you are too much? even too much is not enough…He can handle you, LET HIM

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happy New Month

The past few days have been bitterly cold here in the Free State, and today was no different. I thought long and hard about what to wear and finally settled on my trusty jeans, paired with my red jacket and combat boots, and off I went. Lately, I’ve been longing to get my hair braided, but this weather has kept me away from the salon, the thought of having cold water running down my head sends shivers through me. So for now, I’ll keep rocking my curly weave until it’s warm enough for those braids. This morning, I reached for my first pair of jeans, only to find the zipper broken. I tried another pair, but they tore on the side. My conclusion? My jeans have definitely shrunk. Of course, I’m blaming the washing machine! I didn’t beat myself up about it. I didn’t criticise my body or cry about my weight, I just need to join the gym, or have a routine and we will be okay to go, I am learning how to be gentle with me so I accepted it with grace, made the best of what I had, and moved on.

Last month was a hard one for me. I cried more than I would have liked to admit. Things were happening all around me, and I often felt like I was barely treading water. But I kept swimming, even when I was running on empty. One of my biggest challenges is that I don’t always open up deeply about what I’m going through, I tend to share only the highlights, thinking that’s enough. But deep down, I knew I was carrying more than I let on. So this month, I had a heart-to-heart with God and the many women within me, and we made a decision: we’re going to let go, relax, and trust that God has it all under control. Even though there is much to do at work and with our studies, we will handle it all with grace. its safe to say we adjourned the meeting in good terms, my soul, my mind, my heart and God are all in sync (its amazing how a sincere conversation with God changes everything)

As we step into October, I hope you take a moment to slow down, just as I’m trying to. I hope you give yourself permission to make mistakes and take everything one step at a time. I’ve always been in a rush, whether driving or walking, I’m constantly on the go. But this month, I pray that God blesses you with people who will teach you how to walk slow, how to find peace in the stillness. If you’re like me and feel the need to get everything done at once, I pray God sends you the kind of help that comes with humility, kindness, and true support, the kind of help that lifts you up without needing recognition.

Be gentle with yourself this month. You’re doing the best you can with what you have, and I pray God provides you with all the resources and support you need. May you never feel alone or stranded. May you always have more reasons to rejoice than to cry, and may you never have to carry life’s burdens on your own. Just as Jesus had help carrying the cross, may you always have someone by your side to share the load when things get heavy.

I pray that this new month brings an overflow of God’s grace upon your life. May you be covered in grace so abundant that it shields and protects you from the things you cannot see. From the words spoken in places you’ve never been, from the plans meant to harm you, may God’s grace cover you completely.

I pray that God fulfills your wildest dreams, the ones you think are too big or too crazy. May He show you that nothing is impossible for Him, and may He exceed all your expectations. May you witness doors opening for you in unimaginable ways, may people of influence take notice of you, and may you be surrounded by those who value and respect you. As you go in and out this month, know that you are blessed, know that you are loved.

Here’s to a beautiful October filled with grace, joy, and peace.

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This is your truth

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but I know my God is intentional, you didn’t come across this by mistake. Let me remind you of this, in case the devil has been working on your mind lately and you’ve forgotten: God is madly in love with you. His love for you is deep and unchanging. There is nowhere you can go where God won’t find you, no mistake you can make that will separate you from His love. Nothing! neither heaven nor hell can change His mind about you.

(“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

There is no sin too great for Him to forgive, no disease He cannot heal, no amount of shame He cannot take away. God is for you, and He will always be for you. His love is real, and it covers your every flaw. Your Father thought you were worth dying for, so He gave His Son because He believes in you. But He didn’t stop there, He gave you power and dominion over the living and the dead, and He commanded that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead live inside of you.

(“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

The enemy will try to make you feel forgotten, but don’t let him. You are always in God’s thoughts. He doesn’t sleep nor slumber because He’s always watching over you. The devil can never undo what God has spoken over your life. You are blessed, and that’s the truth. The only time the curse takes root is when you believe it more than the blessing. Often, we listen to the lies of the enemy more than the truth of God’s Word, and that’s how he gets a foothold in our lives.

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment, you shall condemn.” (Isaiah 54:17)

Yes, the weapons may be formed, but they will not prosper. God saw you as a part of His creation from the beginning. The stars, the galaxies, the mountains, and seas were all created, yet He still needed you to complete His perfect creation. Don’t let the devil convince you otherwise. You are a reflection of God Himself.

(“So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27))

The enemy will try to get you to doubt God’s provision and promises. He will make you think your situation is permanent. But remember this: God’s Word is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword. Speak it over your life, speak it against the enemy and praise your way through the challenges…Your king awaits you, He is forever waiting for you to be ready to believe what He has spoken about you and He will prove it to you over and over again, I need you to have faith, He is not a liar, unlike the devil, your God doesn’t deceive.

(“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword.” Hebrews 4:12)

Anything outside the presence of God is a danger to you. That relationship that doesn’t exalt God? It’s a danger to you. That business you are trying to run without Gods wisdom, is a danger to you, that friendship where you dont pray for each other, all you do is drink and talk about the world without mentioning the Master, is a danger to you, If it didn’t come from God, it will never benefit you in the long run, Its feeding your insecurities, its robbing you off beautiful things that God has set apart for you – Anything established out of Gods presence is a danger to you . Don’t let the devil trick you into stepping out of God’s will because you feel unworthy or overlooked. Be steadfast. God has made it easy to have faith in Him that even if it’s as small as a mustard seed, it can move mountains.

(“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)

You are a child of God. He loves you fiercely, and He will move heaven and earth for you. It’s already a done deal that you are blessed. Stop believing the lies that things will never work out for you, that you’re always one step away from failure. When you start meditating on those lies, you give the devil power. But God says you are powerful, you have authority, and your name is spoken in places you haven’t even entered yet.

(“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)

You are blessed, this is your portion, your inheritance. You will make it, no matter what obstacles are in your way. God is with you, always has been, and always will be. Focus on His love, His power, and His promises, because He will never let you go. You are loved beyond measure, and nothing can change that.

XOXO