There was a time where a human being had access to the deepest horrors of my mind, this person could poke the killer out of me, the evil that lurked within, I changed and not for the better. They had the power to break my mind and build it with only one word from their mouth, even though my soul knew very well that this person is the death of me, my heart refused to believe it and in my quest to warm the cold rooms of his heart, the house I built came crashing down.

It is good that we go through some things, I didn’t understand the saying “Its all for His glory” how can it be for His glory when it almost destroyed me? but now I know the reason behind that season, it is so that I may come here and help a woman, help a man who might be going through the same thing, with the wisdom I gathered while in that season, for Gods glory.

And this is to my sisters.

I know the feeling, the butterflies in your stomach, the long calls, the way your heart beats when you hear his name but there is only one problem, He doesn’t really have a relationship with God but its okay, your love is so deep, you can fix him. Some of the principles and standards you have laid to the ground are not really respected but anyway, you have never met a love like this. It feels right and the God you serve knows His heart, right? Now you are praying for him hoping one day He goes to church and stays devoted to Christ, even though its not a deal breaker but you would love it if you were able to go together at church but until then you will continue doing what He loves because it also makes you feel happy, it takes your mind away from the stress and pain of this world, for the first time, you don’t have to be perfect, this person doesn’t give you the pressure to act holy.

It feels good doesn’t it?  Nothing could go wrong, right?

Sis, everything is wrong about placing your heart in the hands of a man who doesn’t fear God, who doesn’t love God, who doesn’t have a relationship with God and you do, no matter how good he seems to be, no matter how great he is with your child, if there is no God inside of Him that man is not only empty but he has no direction. He might be a good person but when in confusion, who does he seek his answers from? A man who has a relationship with God is governed by love, patience and kindness, because God is the source of his knowledge he knows how to talk to you right, because a faithful God dwells inside of Him you will not have to worry about other women, because God the healer is inside of this man he will make you better and submitting to him will not be a problem. A man who hears from God can recognise a blessing and he treats it with respect because He understands that only God gives such beautiful gifts. The world has made toxicity look acceptable that even the children of God find nothing wrong in unequally yoked relationships because no one wants to be alone and a relationship that has God at the center is boring because everyone just wants to have sex and the children of God are afraid to speak the truth because they are “playing God” and so the fear becomes even greater when we talk about love because the church is experiencing more divorce that the people in the world.

That man you have made your pillar is really your killer if he doesn’t have God in Him and my darling he is also corrupting you. You have manipulative thoughts, now you think things and make plans to keep him at any costs (What is maintained with human efforts never lasts) your anger is uncontrollable, you throw things against the wall and say things you never thought you would say, you search his phone, you watch him as you pass by a group of girls to see if he looks and God forbid that he looks because that too sends you into a frenzy and now you change the way you look because you need to keep him, my darling this is not how God intended a woman to feel, God wants men to love their women like Christ loves the church and Christ never made the church feel like it needs to sacrifice itself for his affection. You might say “But the bible says Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church, nowhere does it mention a boyfriend” and that is correct, you don’t become a wife to him when he marries you but you become a wife when he meets you, A MAN KNOWS, HE KNOWS FROM THE FIRST TIME HE MEETS YOU JUST WHO YOU ARE IN HIS LIFE AND HE WILL TREAT YOU EXACTLY HOW HE FEELS, if he feels like the search is over he will act like a man who just met his wife, but this man you sacrifice your life for doesn’t even know God, that means he has no knowledge of himself do you think he will know his wife when he meets her? My darling he is still infatuated by the perfect woman he has created in his mind, this woman he has built up is influenced by society and that’s why he is going to date 8 women trying to make this one perfect woman who doesn’t exist. You can be a walking miracle, kind, beautiful and caring and he will still cheat if God is not inside of him.

“If Jay Z can cheat on Beyonce then who are you?” these are the kind of words that have made women stay because they feel like if Beyonce can be cheated on and they don’t even have an hour glass body or even millions then it makes it okay, my darling you need to ask God to help you see yourself from His Point of view, you are a big deal and that’s why Jesus thought you were to die for, you are allowing words that come from people who use money and power to determine the amount of respect they give to manipulate you into accepting what God doesn’t want for you because who are you to deserve that kind of respect? That unequally yoked relationship will have you looking at yourself differently because all it does is reveal things about you that Christ has forgiven, it is sending you back to a pit you were saved from because this person uses your flaws to make you understand why they can’t fully love you.

God is love, how do you expect to experience love without God? You don’t pray together, you don’t worship together, you don’t do bible studies because its boring, this relationship doesn’t drive you to God, its not making you better then what is the purpose? Its been 4 years and He is still waiting for confirmation if you are the one, confirmation from who because He doesn’t even pray. He is waiting on His friends to approve you, wake up!

Stop trying to save Him, you are not God. Stop trying to heal Him, you are not a hospital, if its healing from trauma that He wants, if he is a great guy but he can’t handle his anger, Sis you cant heal him let me remind you that patients are discharged from the hospital when they feel better, they walk away once they stop limping and my darling, that patient you are nursing only needed hospitality and now after 6 years you have healed him back to life and now he is about to marry a woman He met a month ago why? Lets say it together….A MAN ALWAYS KNOWS.

During a conflict with my then boyfriend, I decided to look cute and take picture, I received a comment  that said “Wife material” and I replied with a heart emoji, my then boyfriend called me just to let me know that I am not wife material because I am always fighting “wife materials” are peaceful. A conversation we had about my feeling resulted into an argument and from that argument (Which I was expressing my hurt) he concluded that I am not a woman you can marry and He was right then, at that moment he was right because he took away every quality I had inside of me to be a good women, I was manipulative, I was angry, I was disrespectful, I was not gentle, I backslid from church, I was not a good woman because I was matching him, I was becoming him, doing the same things he did, so he was right, I was not the woman to marry then because immediately when I decided to be with him, I fell from grace and my job as a woman is to be a helper, I was so down low from grace, the bar was on the floor. Only when I left him I became a woman a man can marry. It was until divine separation happened that I became valuable, ladies, love a man who loves God because everything is valuable in his hands, what you will become is a reflection of him, God intended him to be your leader so you mimic his leadership hence in the hands of a king a woman becomes a Queen, I was not seen for who I really am, because of the hands that held me, how could I have accepted to be better?

You become the man you choose and that is why I never got hurt when he said I am not wife material, It was like he is telling me who he can never be to me and it was time to hear the message loud and clear, I thank God for breaking that connection. The aftermath is excruciating but necessary as restoration is taking place and now you are finally awake, you start reminiscing on the things you did and said and the memories are embarrassing, now you have to forgive yourself for acting the fool, you don’t have to go through this, rather wait for a man God has in store for you, stay in prayer, ask God to work in you, to work on the reason why you accepted that toxicity, allow God to fix you, allow God to correct you, allow God to make you a Proverbs 31 woman and then let Him place you in the hands of a man who will love you like how God intends a man to love his woman, like Christ loves the church, yes, that love exist.

You cant pray for a good man and still believe they don’t exist.