Tag: love

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Beating the Allegations: A Guide to Loving Your Scars and Your Struggle-Beard

“Am I the drama?” Look at you asking questions when the answer has been obvious all along. Yes. Yes, you were not only the drama, you were actually the whole problem. Good thing you changed.

I have realised that life will often throw you curveballs that make you question your entire existence. One minute you are fine, next thing you are doing a full audit of your personality like “wait, am I even the drama?” You realise quickly that not everything is what it seems and suddenly you are having an identity crisis. A proper one. We meet people in this life where some see us as a massive blessing while others see us as a threat to their peace. Which is funny, how are you disturbing someone just by breathing and minding your business?

To those who see you as a blessing, you pour into them and they help you trust and flourish. Those are the beautiful connections that do not just take your energy but actually top up your tank. This is where you feel happy and whole and you think “life is actually sweet” until the contrast enters the chat like an uninvited cousin at a family braai, then come the “lessons.” These are the people who make you question your worth and your goodness. Honestly, these people make you understand why movie villains exist. You start watching Marvel Infinity War with sinister thoughts, thinking, “you know what, Thanos had a point.” They make you want to start your own villain era, soft launch it and gradually one snap of your finger, they are gone. You start wondering if justice even exists in this world or if it is just vibes and disappointment. And the worst part? These are not just strangers. They can be your family, your close friends, your confidant, or that childhood bestie you grew up with, the one who knows your primary school crushes and still chooses chaos.

Unfortunately, as we grow up, we realise that people can leave you, betray you, or do you dirty. Proper dirty. But listen, it is not a “you” thing, it is a “them” thing. I know it sounds like something people say just to comfort you, but sometimes people are just chaotic for no reason. You might spend years trying to heal from their nonsense just to trust again, but at the end of the day you have free will. You can choose to heal or stay salty. And let us be honest, staying salty is tempting, but it is exhausting. Your spirit gets tired.

It is so easy to forget who you are when you are out here fighting demons or the ghosts of your past. Emotional load shedding, basically. It is easy to forget that you are a whole gold mine when you have dealt with people who did not see your value. Imagine being gold and someone treats you like loose change. The disrespect. Maybe the love story ended in tears and now you are a single parent trying to navigate a dating pool that is basically a toxic waste site. Even the lifeguards have resigned. When you have given your “prime” years to someone who took your best and left you feeling empty, you feel like you are not the woman you used to be. Now you are guarded and careful and loving you requires a whole lot of reassurance, like terms and conditions and probably a background check.

I am sorry it hurt so much. I am sorry you gave your best intentions and were met with zero sacrifice, like you were giving “wife of the year” energy and they were giving nothing. I know those mornings where you have to literally drag yourself into the shower just to show up for life. I know those nights too, the ones where you are tired but your brain says “no babes, we are overthinking today.” Just last year I found out someone I called a sister was busy manufacturing the wildest lies about me, like full production with no budget cuts. I make it sound okay now because I am typing from a place of “Lying about me made you relevant for a little while, you needed me to finally feel heard” and forgiveness, so the hurt is not sitting in my grammar anymore. You will not feel the pain in these lines as I refuse to let that trauma transfer to my future. It is a choice. Not an easy one, but a necessary one. Whatever you choose, please know that your inner battles do not make you any less of a legend.

There is nobody like you. Yes, even if I knew the things you know about yourself, i would still believe that no one compares to you, no one can walk into a room and take charge like you do. Main character energy, no auditions needed. No one can hold a conversation like you do, you make people feel comfortable, at first you seem too good to be true, and then they realise through you, that God doesn’t run out of good people. no one laughs like you , hug, or love the way you do. Even if you are a “work in progress,” you are still a blessing. Under construction, but still a whole building. Man, they should have seen you when you were in love. You were glowing, you were soft, you were doing the absolute most in the best way, it may feel like that has changed but thats something not even betrayal can write off. You might be in a “reconstruction” phase right now, but they should have seen you when you felt safe and appreciated. You moved differently back then, like you owned happiness.

Yes, you are different now because we always have to go back to the drawing board to reinvent and heal. And let us be real, healing is messy. Some days you forgive yourself for allowing that disrespect, and other days you are lowkey plotting their downfall in your head. Not actioning it, just brainstorming 🤣🤣. Boy oh boy, when you decide to make someone feel special, you really go all out. Full package, no half measures, you still do but now with caution… just take your time, there’s nothing broken here. You are still a wonder, after everything you have been through; there is still hope in your breath and forgiveness in your bones. When they expect you to go full villain, you beat the allegations and turn out even better than they wanted. Imagine disappointing your enemies by being healed. Love that for you.

There is no one like you, even with the scar on your chest or your uneven eyes that you try to hide in pictures. Please, those angles are working overtime for no reason. My brother, even with that receding hairline and that beard that has been struggling to connect since the 1900s, we have been rooting for it, there is no one like you. Your little lisp when you speak is actually beautiful. The way your words come out with that little twist is enough to set anyone on fire. Proper signature style. tjhesa!

You are amazing even with your past and the times you knew better but still did the opposite. Because sometimes we all ignore common sense like it is a WhatsApp notification. It all adds to the vibe of who you are. You grew from it and now you are levelled up. Not perfect, but upgraded. Sometimes we focus too much on the missed dreams and the people who left us, measuring ourselves by our “shortfalls.” Like we are marking ourselves with a red pen. We forget to see the person who is busy learning and unlearning every day. That is a beautiful place to be. To live through the fire, get burned, get healed, and come out the other side scarred but whole again. Not what you were, but something stronger.

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I disappeared. I know.

Not in a dramatic, vanish into the forest kind of way. More like the kind where life quietly stacks responsibilities on your shoulders until even opening WordPress starts to feel like a meeting you forgot to prepare for. If the internet had a missing persons bureau for bloggers, I am fairly certain my face would have been on a digital milk carton by now.

Somewhere between then and now, life did what life does best. It moved. It stretched me. It humbled me in ways that were not scheduled and definitely not convenient. Between trading my renter badge for a homeowner title, which is essentially just a fancy way of saying I now have a very intimate relationship with bank fees, bond costs, and things breaking at the worst possible time, and navigating the professional hustle, I have lived a lot in this silence.

The Sacred and the Human

There were moments where I thought I understood exactly where my life was going, only for God to gently but firmly remind me that understanding is not a requirement for obedience. My relationship with Him has shifted from a Sunday morning check in to a daily dependence. Not perfect, not always polished, but deeply real.

There was also a situation with a pastor that shifted something in me. I will not go into details, but it was one of those experiences that forces you to separate God from people. It taught me that faith must be anchored in Him and not in human vessels, no matter how respected or anointed they appear. It was uncomfortable but necessary. I came out of it more grounded, more discerning, and strangely, more at peace.

The Master’s and the Mess

Academically and professionally, things have demanded more of me. My postgraduate studies continue to be the uninvited guest at every dinner party, the one that refuses to leave and somehow always needs attention at the worst time. Pursuing a degree while navigating a shifting workplace has taught me that resilience is often just a polite word for surviving on caffeine, prayer, and pure willpower.

But I have also laughed. A lot more than I expected, actually. Life has a way of being unintentionally funny when you stop trying to control every outcome. There were moments where all I could do was look at my situation and think, “Yo, this is not what I ordered, but let me eat it anyway.” And somehow, I did.

The Plot Twist in the Waiting

If I am being completely honest, part of why I stayed away was because I wanted to come back with something polished. Something that made the silence make sense. Something that looked like a neat before and after. But life is not always wrapped up that way, and neither is growth.

There is a specific kind of power in navigating the world as a solo act for a long season. It has been a time of deep refinement where I realised that being whole on my own was never about closing the door forever. It was about making sure that when the right story finally begins, I am a woman who already knows her worth, her voice, and her standards.

Lately, I have felt a shift in the wind. A quiet sense that things are aligning in ways I cannot fully explain yet. The wait has been long, and at times uncomfortable, but I am starting to see that delays are not always denials. Sometimes they are preparation.

The Verdict

So, where am I now?

Domestic status: Managing my own castle. It turns out adulting is ten percent decorating and ninety percent wondering why lightbulbs, plumbing, and literally everything else are so expensive.

Academic standing: Still wrestling with the thesis. We are currently in a toxic relationship, but I am determined to get the degree in the divorce.

Current state: I have been living. I have been learning. I have been stretched. I have been refined. And more times than I can count, I have been held together by grace.

I am moving from a phase of just surviving the day to actually owning the room. I am learning that I do not need to have every single answer to be the leading lady of my own story. I am not perfectly consistent, and I am still figuring things out, but I am present. And right now, that matters more than perfection.

And as for what is on the horizon? Let’s just say the scenery is starting to look very promising. Sho, it is about time.

Here’s to the plot twists, the quiet growth, and the glow ups that did not need an audience to be real.

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In Every life time

I want to meet you in every lifetime, in every chapter of my life.
In each version of my soul, I’ll find you.
And I’ll choose you again.
And again.

I want to meet you every day like it’s the first.
to tell you my name like a secret I’ve waited to share,
to hear your voice wrap around ordinary words
until they mean everything.

I want to sit beside you and talk about nothing
until nothing becomes the most sacred place we know.
Tell me about the friend you lost touch with,
about the time your skin met pavement and you learned how pain feels like flying.
Show me your tattoos I want to trace the stories inked on your skin.
Let me kiss the scars that life gave you and hear the moment you decided life was still beautiful,
despite it all.

I want your voice to become my favorite sound
until everything I hear begins to echo you.
Let me be there when the weight of the world is too much,
when silence is heavy and all you need is someone who won’t let go.
Let me be your anchor. Your calm. Your constant

I want to see you waiting at the end of the aisle,
the place where every road leads me back to you.
And I will walk toward you every time, in this life and all the others waiting beyond time.

I want all of you
The light you bring, the darkness you carry,
the chaos, the calm, the in-between. You make so much sense to me.
So much sense.

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Suicide Note

Ladies and gentlemen, lets gather here to pay our last respect, to all the things holding us back, may they rest in peace…

but first…..

I’ve been thinking about everything I was able to do this year, the things I never thought I would feel and the things I have learned not to feel. It has been a long journey of self-discovery, and I am proud of myself for how far I’ve come. Of course, I didn’t do it alone. I cannot take the credit; all the glory goes to God. Even though there are things I didn’t receive and places I didn’t reach, I remain hopeful. And though some dreams were delayed, I am still grateful.

This year brought me through so much, from surviving an accident to relocating, navigating academics, and experiencing spiritual revival. I’m most proud of allowing myself to truly feel this year. Yes, believe it or not, I allowed myself to feel, and what a rollercoaster ride it’s been. But here I am, standing, and I’m glad to announce that I do, in fact, have a heart, and it still works. It feels emotions I don’t even have names for.

This year, I fell in love. I faced my anxiety head-on. I discovered who I am outside of anyone else’s validation or feelings toward me, and I stuck to it. I fell in love all over again with my dreams, my passions, and my faith. For the first time, I embraced my feelings and learned that it’s okay to have them.

Since 2020, my timeline has been a blur. Those years, 2020 to 2022, felt like I was on life support, alive but not truly living. I could hear everything around me but had no control over my life. Those years were about healing and discovery, though not all discoveries were easy or pleasant. I uncovered things about myself that broke me and brought me to my knees. Those revelations led me to surrender, to open myself up to God completely, and He showed up for me in ways I never expected.

2023 became a year of stepping out of healing and stepping back into life. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t know how or where to start allowing new things into my life as I transitioned into adulthood. So, God did what only He could: He separated me from a lot, from toxic bondages, friendships, and habits. He gave me the courage to attend therapy, and through that, I began to discover a version of myself that I truly love.

The people who met me this year met the best version of me, and it’s only the beginning. I’m proud to say I am at a good place. I love the reflection of prayer and healing that I see in myself. I’m not perfect, and I don’t aspire to be. What I aspire to is being happy and at peace with myself. God spent so much time with me this year, reminding me that there is nothing wrong with me. I am His perfect creation.

Now, back to murder: killing things that really need to be buried…

I’ve stayed too long in situations where I was mistreated. I’ve accepted countless apologies and taken people back who fumbled me, but not anymore. I’ve learned that I don’t have to. Love stays, it doesn’t leave and expect to be taken back. And I am learning not to go back either. If you give me a day to live, to tackle life without you, to figure it out on my own, then I will, even if it breaks my heart. And when I do, I won’t come back and you don’t have a right to ask me how did i survive or what did the sharks do to me when you left me in the middle of the ocean to drown, leave me alone like the way you did, it should be easy, right? you’ve done it before… stay away

This year, I also returned to Potchefstroom, a city I once hated, a place that felt like a prison for two long years. Those years were filled with nightmares, a toxic job, and an abusive relationship. I stayed in both, believing I didn’t deserve better. But this year, I went back not to relive the pain but to reclaim my power. I shopped for myself, bought perfumes, makeup, and shoes. I went to parks, had picnics, and bought myself flowers. I had a great time and all of a sudden I realise that this city is so small to break a heart as big as mine, I let it, I let this city feel like it can break me because I didnt know myself…

now, word of advise to the ladies reading this…in the words of J cole “love yourself girl or no one will”, I used to sing to the song “crooked smile” and I missed it, I missed the words and because of that, I allowed myself to stop smiling.. but this time, not only was I smiling in Potchefstroom, I came back with a big butt, a hairline, glowing skin and thick little body…YOU CAN NOT TELL ME THERE THIS IS NOT GRACE.

When I left Potch, I did something Prophetic to declare my freedom and forgiveness to what happened and maybe, some parts of me that have carried it. I stood at the border of Potchefstroom, I made a declaration: the devil no longer has power over me. He can no longer torment me with who I was when I lived there, the mistakes, the foolishness, the attachments that weren’t from God. I forgave everyone who hurt me, from the abusive and toxic relationship to the racist colleagues. And most importantly, I forgave myself…becuase, what was I thinking? anyway, it is now water under the bridge, I am so happy that I am here now.

At that border, I declared death to anything I was still connected to, anything that still made me feel ashamed and gave me nightmares, I left a suicide note, not one of despair but one of transformation. I declared the death of my old self.

Sometimes, we need to leave suicide notes for our old selves. We need to die to the habits, thoughts, and feelings that keep us stuck. Whether it’s self-pity, shame, or toxic patterns, we must let them go.

And so, this is my suicide note. I am killing the doubt, the disbelief, and the sins that have kept me from my best self. I am dying to anything that kept me in rooms I should have left long ago.

Now, let me reintroduce myself. I am a child of God, His favorite daughter, walking in grace and anointing. Angels go before me, clearing the way. I am kind, soft, and a reflection of God’s love. I am a vessel through which others will witness His glory.

My children will walk in the Spirit, unashamed of the gospel. My husband will love me as Christ loves the church, a faithful, kind, and God-fearing man who leads with strength and gentleness. Together, we will be a testimony of God’s faithfulness.

I declare all of this boldly because I have tested God, and He has never failed me. He will never let His righteous be put to shame.

And so, it shall be done, not otherwise.

Stay blessed.

oh by the way, this is how I am going to be very soon, watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBncGFCqEOA

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Happy Birthday to me

This month, my birth month, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy. Today, I woke up with my heart full of thanks. I am here. I am blessed. I know my life is a testimony, a story that speaks of God’s grace and love.

Growing up, I didn’t have wealth or status, if anyhting they made fun of our household, a family of plenty that lived in a huge shack, God turned that huge shack into a big house, I thank Him everyday. My childhood was simple, filled with small joys and big dreams. I remember being nine years old at my aunt’s graduation. I didn’t fully understand what a graduation meant, but I could feel the pride and excitement in the room. Right then, I knew I wanted that feeling too, I wanted more . I just didn’t realise how much sacrifice, hard work, and self-discipline it would take to reach it. Now, standing where I am, I thank God for every bit of perseverance He has given me and for blessing me with a kind heart.

For anyone who knows me, kindness and gentleness are constants. I’ll smile at you even if I know what’s been said about me. I’ll give love, even when it’s rejected. I didn’t learn this alone but from the beautiful, God-fearing women who raised me. We didn’t always have much, but we had love. I watched my aunts and cousins share even the smallest things with one another. In those moments, I learned that love is enough.

Sometimes, I’ve felt disappointed, expecting that same love from others. But I’ve come to see it as a gift to be soft in a world that can be so hard, to be kind when hate is everywhere. This is a blessing.

As November 22, my birthday, approaches, I look at my life and am overwhelmed by how far God has brought me. When I sit in my car, I thank God because there was a time when owning a car seemed like a distant dream. Sitting in my own apartment feels like a miracle. Being a Master’s candidate, pursuing a dream I once thought was out of reach these are blessings I never saw coming.

There was a time when I thought my story might end in disappointment, especially after failing matric. But God had a different story for me, and He’s still writing chapters I never expected. I’m learning to accept the blessings around me, to live fully in this reality, and to trust that God has even more for me.

Here’s to more years of learning, of loving, and of living with a grateful heart. Thank you, Lord, for this life, this testimony. Here’s to all the moments yet to come.

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Fighting you off

I’ve been fighting you off, hoping to escape your gaze,
But I haven’t been the same since you whispered, “I love you.”
My mind accepts it, my soul understands,
Yet my hear… it’s hardened like stone, unyielding.

I ache to feel something real, but with you near, I can’t.
So I sip this wine, pretending you don’t exist,
Three more glasses just to numb the thoughts
That keep me awake, thoughts of you, haunting my every breath.

I drown in my abandonment, forcing you out of me,
Muzzling the emotions I no longer wish to feel.
Tell me, what is wrong with me?
Why do I do this, again and again?
Why do I run, when staying is all I want?
Why is it so hard to believe
That someone like you could love me without hesitation, without fear?

I’m fighting you off, yet I never win.
It’s a battle on repeat, over and over,
Yet the mere mention of your name still brings me to my knees.
It wakes something deep inside, but
I resist, knowing all too well how this goes.

I guard my heart with iron walls,
Because the moment I let you in,
Is the moment you’ll see how hard I am to love,
How difficult I am to handle.
You’ll retreat, as they all do,
When faced with my truth, my vulnerability.
That’s when you’ll remind me why I keep everyone out,
Why I should keep these walls standing tall.

Everytime, in every single way you make your way to me , Holy Spirit you are everything.

Holy Spirit, you still choose to me me and you love me differently
You hold me, tighter than I thought possible,
You see the pieces of me I hide from the world,
And you stay… I keep running from your love but you stay
I fight your embrace, yet still, you hold me close,
Invading my guarded space,
Refusing to let go.
You make me feel like I’m worth the fight,
And I struggle to see myself that way.

Holy Spirit, why do you love me so deeply?
Show me what you see in me, please
Help me to love myself as you love me.
I will love you, even through my fear,
Because you love me in ways no one has dared to.
You see the beauty in me,
The beauty I’ve never known.

I’m still learning how to stay,
How not to run when things get hard.
I’m still learning to let you in,
Learning to believe that I am worth winning.
I’m learning to receive love, not always give,
Learning to trust that your love will remain
Even when I don’t believe it.

You love me when I’m lost in chaos,
When I miss the call, when I’m broken,
You love me through it all.
Even when I don’t see anything to love,
You never stop loving me… even when I am fighting you off

(Ever since I have been writing about the Holy Spirit, even if its not as constant as I hope to it to be, I have been feeling an overwhelming love. I have been loving how the Holy spirit quickly becomes what I need, when I need it. This poem explains how I thought I need to be perfect for the Holy Spirit to love me, this poem expresses the battle between surrendering my power and controlling my mind)

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Little Feet

The butterflies that once fluttered within me
Have turned into tiny feet, full of life, kicking wildly,
Every time they hear your voice, they respond
A secret conversation between you and the life we’ve made.
Morning sickness feels endless, but through it all,
It’s your hand I’ve clung to, my steady ground.
I wouldn’t choose anyone else to walk this fragile, sacred journey.

You made me fall in love, then made me your forever.
Since we exchanged vows, you’ve held us close,
Through the storms that could’ve torn us apart,
You stood like a lighthouse, guiding us home,
And now, our child has their first hero, a father whose strength has always been love.

Those little feet haven’t yet taken a step,
But I already see how much they reflect you.
A strange, beautiful sorrow fills me,
Knowing they resemble you more than me.
But I’m not envious, I’m in awe.
Watching you rise to every cry, every call,
In the early hours, bleary-eyed yet unwavering,
Rocking our baby back to sleep with lullabies you don’t know the words to
Yet your voice is their comfort, perfect in its imperfections.

This little feet knew my heartbeat before the world made it their home,
But it was your face they saw first when you severed the cord.
Cutting through the threshold of life, welcoming them,
A life we created, who cried out to the world in your arms.
And in that moment, I realised
You will be the shelter they run to when the world becomes cold.

I have loved you in every phase
As the boy who made me laugh,
As the man who stood by me when life bent us low.
But I have never loved you like this
Watching you become the father our child will forever cherish.

There’s a quiet magic in the way you hold them,
As though the weight of their little body
Balances the entire universe in your arms.
They may not yet understand, but one day they will
That their first steps, first words,
First dreams will all be cradled by your love.

And as you work tirelessly to give them the best,
I see the depth of your sacrifice, and my love for you deepens
In ways words often fail to express.
You are more than a father, more than a provider
You are my anchor in this vast sea of life.

We joke about exhaustion, about how one child feels like a universe.
But in the quiet moments, when we’re both too tired to speak,
I know, and I believe you know too,
That the beauty we’ve created is more than we ever imagined.
And deep down, there is room for more
More life, more love, more of this sacred dance we call family.

I love making life with you
In all its messy, beautiful, sleepless nights.
It’s an honor, and in your arms, it feels like home.

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Your people are for you

As I reflect on the words my aunt once spoke—”Don’t be friends with someone whom when R2 means something to you, to them it means nothing”—I realise how deeply they resonate. She only said them once, but they shaped my view of relationships and self-worth. Like many of us, I’ve made my share of mistakes, allowing people with nothing to lose to influence my decisions. They would walk away scot-free, while I was left to pick up the pieces. But from those moments of pain and loss, I learned one of life’s most valuable lessons: not everyone is meant to walk with you on your journey.

“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. a powerful quote by motivational speaker John Rohn reminds us that the company we keep often shapes our destiny. I’ve have learned that keeping a small, intentional circle of friends isn’t isolation; it’s wisdom. Not everyone will understand your vision or your goals, and that’s okay. What matters is protecting your energy, guarding your dreams, and ensuring that those who walk with you are aligned with the path you’re on.

I knew from a young age that I wanted to go to university, further my studies, get a job, and be a role model for my siblings, I knew that I am a speaker, anything that had to do with public speaking, I was there, I knew that I love literature by how much I was attracted to books, I knew I loved art by just how much I love reading about artists and their paintings, I always had a vision of not only working for someone but creating my own thing, writing a book, owning an art gallery and maybe attend Essence, obviously because I don’t have any connections and inheritance obviously I need to be stable first, I need to make a few money and have an apartment and equipment to launch my other dreams (by the way, my birthday is in November and a new Sony Camera would be amazing, incase you want to get Pretty girl something) That vision required focus, and I couldn’t allow distractions to obstruct my dreams. Because of this, I was often labeled as distant or “boring.” I didn’t attend parties. I submitted my assignments on time. I stayed lowkey. And yes, it caused resentment among my peers. But I understood one thing clearly: purpose demands sacrifice. When you have a vision that burns inside of you, distractions become intolerable.

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson. Growing up, I decided to be different, and that difference often made me a target for gossip or ridicule. But in those moments, I reminded myself of the bigger picture. People may not understand why you choose the path less traveled, but when you are sure of who you are, their opinions become irrelevant. As the Bible reminds us, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

I am sensitive and soft-hearted, and to many, that seems like a weakness. But I’ve learned that my sensitivity is my strength. The smallest gestures bring me joy—an encouraging text, a simple hug—and they remind me that life’s beauty often lies in the little things. However, I’m also fiercely protective of myself. I fight for my well-being, and I’ve had to learn to defend myself. I may seem gentle, but when it comes to my peace and purpose, I will fight with everything I have.

“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served.” — Nina Simone’s words often echo in my mind when I think of relationships that no longer serve me. I’ve had to walk away from people who didn’t see value in what I held dear. Not everyone will value marriage, family, or faith, but those are pillars in my life. I don’t apologise for standing firm in what I believe. As Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Guarding your heart means sometimes walking away from those who don’t honor what you cherish.

For me, family is everything. I come from a small, tight-knit family—my parents, my little brother, and myself. Though we have many relatives, it’s these three that ground me. I am the eldest, and much is expected of me. But I carry those responsibilities with pride. I understand that family is God’s gift, and I protect it fiercely. If family means nothing to you, you won’t understand how much it shapes my decisions or how deeply their well-being affects mine.

“God didn’t bring you this far to leave you.” — Joel Osteen. This truth has carried me through many dark moments when I’ve questioned why God made me the way I am. But then I remember that God doesn’t make mistakes. He created each of us uniquely, with our own strengths and flaws, to fulfill His purpose. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to change who you are to fit in. God sees you as “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). You are His creation, designed with intention and loved beyond measure.

Sometimes, we have to remind ourselves that not everyone is meant to understand our journey, and that’s perfectly fine. Your people will find you. They will love you, support you, and see the value in who you are. Until then, keep walking your path, aligned with your vision, and don’t let anyone pull you off course. Remember, you are not for everyone, but you are for the right ones.

“Your life is your story, and the adventure ahead of you is the journey to fulfill your own purpose and potential.” — Mel Robbins. Keep walking in faith, guided by the One who sees your heart and has plans for your future. Your people are for you. Trust that, and the right ones will stand by your side.

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Well, that’s too damn Bad

“When Life Hands You a Shovel: A Guide to Smiling Through the Dirt”

Ever seen that movie where a boy and his grandpa are digging forever, and finally, the boy just throws in the towel and says, “I am tired of this, Grandpa”? And Grandpa, with no sympathy and a rusty shovel, replies, “Well, that’s too damn bad,” and they keep on digging. I’m feeling like that kid right now—except instead of a shovel, I’m armed with paperwork, caffeine, and the persistent hope that my smile isn’t just a tired twitch… My colleague said it looks forced, I made it look worse because how dare he, I am trying here!

This morning, I rose at the ungodly hour of 5:30 a.m., more commonly known as “before the birds are even thinking about breakfast.” just to make it in the city on time for work. I trudged into the office and was promptly buried under a mountain of paperwork that seemed to grow taller with every breath I took. This was after a weekend of no rest, and now, my energy levels are somewhere between “flat tire” and “deflated balloon.” But hey, I’m smiling! Why? Because, in the grand scheme of things, life doesn’t end just because things aren’t exactly lining up like the dominoes in my head.

Sure, sometimes we run on empty, and the GPS seems to have lost signal. But here’s the thing—life doesn’t throw up its hands and say, “You’re out of gas, so you’re done!” No, it says, “You’re out of gas? Cool, keep going anyway.” It’s like life’s version of the “Well, that’s too damn bad” reply.

I had a heart-to-heart with my dad on Saturday. He had just come home from giving me a mini heart attack (don’t worry, he’s fine). As I was pouring his tea (because he loves tea even on a hot day), he said, “I don’t see that smile I made.” Oh, the audacity! My dad genuinely believes that all my best features—the brown eyes, the brown skin, the small nose, and the smile—are his divine gifts to me. And while I was busy playing doctor with him, he decided to gift me a lecture. Apparently, he created my smile, but he was too busy worrying about me to see it.

We had a good laugh, and then he got all sentimental on me, saying, “I’m sorry for scaring you, but if I had to choose again, I’d still pick you because I know you’d do everything for the people you love. I might have made your smile, but your heart was crafted by God Himself.” And that, my friends, is how you get a heartfelt pep talk with a side of guilt but above everything else, dont forget the gift you are just because life is a bit sour.

Sometimes, life throws you into chaos at work, school, or home, and it feels like you’re trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. But guess what? Life doesn’t stop just because you’re exhausted, rejected, or just plain confused. It keeps moving—whether you’re dancing or knocked out on the floor.

So, when you find yourself buried under your own metaphorical paperwork or digging away with a shovel that seems endless, remember: you’re doing great. You’re worthy of a moment’s rest, a smile, and a pat on the back. Even if things don’t go as planned, keep going. Life will keep moving, whether you’re in the driver’s seat or just along for the ride. like my dad, surround yourself with people who see that even though life has been knocking you out, you are simply trying your best and may they be kind towards you.

Me and my dad? We had a bonding moment that was more about love and less about the technicalities of the stunt his heart pulled. Our parents want us to thrive, to make wise choices, and to build a legacy of resilience and love. So, even when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or just feeling like a hamster running on a wheel, remember this: life doesn’t stop. It doesn’t wait for you to catch your breath. It just keeps going. And sometimes, that’s the best reason to keep showing up and giving it your all.

So, keep on digging, dancing, and smiling through the dirt. After all, life’s too short to not enjoy the ride—shovel and all.

oh and I had writers block, thank God I can write again

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Divine Relationships and Self-Acceptance

Have you ever felt the need to pretend to be someone you’re not, just to fit in or to be loved? If so, I want to share a profound truth with you: God cannot bless the person you pretend to be. The divine relationships we all yearn for require us to be our authentic selves and to believe that who we are is good enough.

It’s important to realise that you don’t have to break yourself for attention and care. The right people will give you their time without you having to compromise who you are. It’s not a gamble; it’s about waiting for those who see your worth.

Relationships should not hurt. If they do, it’s a sign that they’re not meant for you. Love should not belittle you or make you feel unsafe. If it does, it might be time to consider letting it go.

You should never feel bad about being who you are, the way God made you. Don’t try to control the unchangeable aspects of yourself just because someone else prefers you a certain way. If they make you feel bad for things you can’t change—like your family, your past, the way you walk, or how you talk—it’s time to walk away.

I remember a song by Macklemore with a line that always resonated with me: “I can’t change, even if I tried, even if I wanted to.” As a young person, I struggled with the desire to fit the mold others had for me. I knew I was different, and it took me time to find my tribe and to embrace the term “nerd.” It was then that I felt normal, like I existed. I found the courage to stop fitting into spaces that rejected me, unless God permitted it for a reason.

My life changed when I realised that there are people praying to encounter someone like me—the original me, with all my baggage and my raging mind. There are people out there who are praying to meet someone like you, flaws and all, as a friend, a business partner, a mentor, or even a spouse. God has been preparing someone to handle you, to address you, to create a safe space for you when you need it. God will never set you up for failure.

Why would you believe that God will align you with people who make you feel you need to be at a certain level to be loved and appreciated? Don’t you know that even at your lowest, He still loves you and thinks you are the best? Why would He put you in a position that makes you feel like you are not enough? You are His beautiful creation. The Bible says, “You are beautifully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14, NIV). When God mentions the good plans He has for you, do you believe they incorporate abuse?

I pray that you see yourself the way God sees you, and then you will understand that you have always been enough. God will never cause pain without allowing something better to be born (Isaiah 66:9). Don’t let the betrayals, the abuse, or the negative words define you or delay your healing and new beginnings.

Forgive yourself for who you were when you didn’t know better, for what you allowed when you were broken, for the trauma bonds, for the stupid decisions, for the times you stayed, for changing who you are because you wanted to be desperately loved. Forgive yourself for taking for granted what God has made in you, for playing small when God has created so much in you, for settling for less when God has great plans for you.

Now that you have learned your lesson, understand that God has made you perfect. There is nothing in you that disqualifies you from receiving the best of what God has to offer. Stay close to Him, and He will direct you to the kind of relationships you need. You will understand there was nothing wrong with you from the beginning.

May God grant you the ability to meet people who will change your life, bring out the best in you, restore your faith in humanity, and make you realise that all good gifts come from the Father, so that you may seek Him.

And may God hide you, protect you from people who come to steal, lie, destroy, and cheat. May that never be your portion. May you be in the company of people who make you feel loved, appreciated, and cared for—people who make you better, who water you, who will love you in every shape or form, who will make you better.

NB: I am not only refereeing to romantic relationships here, for those of you who love the feeling of love, this is broader than romantic relationships